人生不设限·与人和谐互动的能力
To master these people skills, you must place your own self-interests, concerns, and agendas on hold and dial in to those around you. It's not about being the center of attention or the funniest person in the room; it's about engaging with other people on their terms and making them comfortable enough to invite you into their lives.
我们跟他人的关系，有短暂接触的(店员、服务生、邮差、飞机上坐在你旁边的人)，有那种常常碰面的(邻居、同事、客户)，另外就是那些跟我们的生活有很大关联的(最要好的朋友、伴侣和家人)。每个层级的关系需要的人际能力不尽相同。
The depth of our relationships varies from those we engage with briefly (store clerks, waitresses, the mailman, the guy next to you on the plane) to those we interact with regularly (neighbors, coworkers, customers, and clients), and finally to people who are a big part of our lives (our best friends, spouses, and family members). Each level requires people skills of some sort, the ability to relate to and interact in harmony with others.
学着向人求助
Helping Hands
还有一种人际关系能力常常被蔑视或忽略，我却相当熟悉，那就是：当你需要帮助时，愿意以谦卑的心向他人求助。耶稣——上帝之子——在地上时很少是独行侠，通常会有几个门徒陪着他。所以，你不要认为自己必须单打独斗。开口求助并非示弱，而是力量的显现。《圣经》上说：“你们祈求，就给你们;寻找，就寻见;叩门，就给你们开门。因为凡祈求的，就得着;寻找的，就寻见;叩门的，就给他开门。”[24]
There is one more people skill that is often disdained or overlooked, but one I'm quite familiar with: the willingness and the humility to ask for help when you need it. Jesus, the son of God, rarely walked alone on this earth. He was usually in the company of one or more of his disciples. You should never feel that you have to go it alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. The Bible says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door shall be opened."
因为我的旅行计划实在排得太紧凑，所以几年前，我决定重新聘请看护帮我的忙。其实很长一段时间我都避免这么做，因为年纪比较轻时，我总想证明自己可以不必依赖别人过日子，所以独立对我来说非常重要。为了心灵的平静和自尊，我得确定一件事：如果有必要，我可以靠自己过活。
A few years ago my heavy travel schedule led me to decide to return to using caregivers, which is something I tried to avoid for a long time. When I was younger, I wanted to prove that I could survive day by day without depending on other people. Being independent was important to me. I needed to know, for my own peace of mind and my self-esteem, that I could live on my own if necessary.
但是展开演讲生涯之后，世界各地的邀约纷至沓来，而在许多不同的地方对着那么多人演讲，是非常需要全神贯注的，如果要自己照顾自己，会耗费我太多精力，特别是在旅途中。因此，我又重新聘用看护，但我仍然期待将来有一天我会有妻儿相伴，并再次回到独立的生活中。
But as my public speaking career took off and invitations to speak came from all over the globe, I realized that I was burning up too much energy taking care of myself, especially on the road. To speak to as many people in as many different places as I do, you have to be fully engaged and full of energy. I went back to employing caregivers even though someday, down the road, I hope to have a wife and family and again be independent.
当你有了看护，就不能没有人际关系能力。就算你提供不错的待遇，你还是不能期待一个不喜欢你的人会喂你吃饭、跟着你到处跑、替你刮胡子、帮你穿衣服，有时还得抱着你。幸好，我跟看护的关系一直不错——虽然他们有时候会面临考验了。
When you have a caregiver, lacking people skills is not an option. Even if their pay is good, you can't expect someone to feed you, travel with you, shave you, dress you, and sometimes carry you around if they don't like you. Luckily, I've always had good relationships with mine—though they've sometimes been put to the test. I did not have a full-time caregiver until 2005, when Craig Blackburn, who'd been inspired by my speaking and testimony in church, contacted me. He offered to work as my caregiver, driver, and coordinator for a three-week speaking tour along the sunny Queensland coast. I was a little nervous about doing the tour with someone I didn't know well, but I prayed on it, checked his credentials, and decided I could trust him. Craig proved to be very helpful, allowing me to save my energies for my speaking and other duties.
我选择演讲这种需要大量旅行的工作，又坚定地想要证明自己的独立性，所以曾经骄傲到不愿开口求助，即使求助比较合理。你不应该犯同样的错，要知道自己的极限，在有需要时向外求助。不过请记住，除非你表现出对他们的关怀与体贴，否则光是向朋友或同事要求些什么，是很没有礼貌的，人家可没欠你。
In my determined effort to prove my independence while also building a career that required intense travel, I'd been too proud to ask for help, even when it made sense to do so. You shouldn't make the same mistake. Know your limitations. Protect your health and sanity by doing what is only human: reaching out when conditions call for it. But remember, to ask something of friends or co-workers is rude unless you've shown interest and consideration for them. No one owes you anything more than you have given to them.
过去几年，我的看护有时候是由朋友、家人和义工担任，不过我大部分是找领薪的助手，因为我的行程十分紧凑，看护的工作量很大。
A few of my caregivers have been friends, family members, and volunteers over the years, but most are paid to assist me because the job is demanding, given my hectic schedule. I began using caregivers more and more while traveling in the United States in 2006. A fellow named George had volunteered to serve as my driver and caregiver on that tour, but he showed up driving a wreck of a little car that was loud and stinky and, to my astonishment, had a gaping hole in the floor! It was a bit of a shock. I had visions of falling through and being flattened by a trailing truck. I never felt entirely safe in that car, but George proved to be a loyal supporter and a great caregiver.
我目前的看护之一——布莱恩——在我2008年夏天到欧洲巡回演讲时，就面临了终极考验。有一天晚上，我们抵达了罗马尼亚的提米索拉，在这之前，我们已经不眠不休地旅行了一个星期，所以我真的累瘫了，而这一晚是这个漫长行程中我第一次可以好好休息的机会。但因为我向来睡得不好，所以布莱恩给了我一颗褪黑激素，它可以帮助人体处理时差问题。
One of my current caregivers, Bryan, was put to the ultimate test during my European speaking tour in the summer of 2008. We'd been traveling nonstop for about a week when we arrived for a one-night stay at a hotel in Timisoara, Romania. Dead tired from lack of sleep, I was too weary to fret. This was the first night on the long tour where I was scheduled to catch some serious rest. Since I'd been having trouble sleeping, Bryan offered me a melatonin capsule, which is supposed to help your body deal with jet lag.
起先，我跟他说我最好不要服用，因为我体重很轻，有时对营养品会产生奇怪的反应，但布莱恩说这很安全。不过，为了安全起见，我只吃了半颗——幸好我没有整颗吞下去，因为吃了之后，我马上进入深沉的睡眠。
At first, I told him I'd better not take it. Because of my low body weight, I sometimes have strange reactions to supplements. Bryan convinced me it was safe, and just to be cautious, I took only a half-dose. Luckily I didn't swallow the entire capsule. I fell into a deep sleep right away.
在某些巡回演讲中，我会变得过度疲劳，而且尽管在床上坐起来对我而言非常费力，我还是会在睡梦中坐起，然后开始演讲，仿佛眼前真的有听众。而这天晚上，我把隔壁房间的布莱恩吵醒了，因为我居然在讲道，而且是用塞尔维亚语!
On some tours I become overtired, and despite the tremendous effort it takes for me to sit up in bed, I'll do just that in my sleep, and then I'll begin speaking as if I'm addressing an audience. On this night I woke up Bryan in the next room because I was preaching! In Serbian!
在我的“梦中布道”把整个罗马尼亚吵醒之前，布莱恩叫醒了我。我们两个都发现自己汗如雨下，仿佛在这夏夜的热气中被煮了一顿，因为我们一睡着，空调就停了。我们很自然地打开窗，让一些新鲜空气流进来，然后累到骨子里的两人又回去睡了。
Bryan woke me up before I roused all of Romania with my sleep-sermonizing, and we both realized then that we were sweating like crazy. We'd been cooking in the summer heat because while we slept, the room air conditioner had shut down. Naturally, we opened the windows to allow some fresh air to flow into our rooms. Then, bone-tired, we returned to our beds.
大概一个小时之后，我们又醒了，这次是被巨大的罗马尼亚蚊子(至少我们希望那是蚊子)给“生吞”了。那个时候，我真的已经累死、热死、全身痒死了——而且，我还没有道具可以抓痒，这简直是酷刑!
An hour later we again were awakened; this time we were being eaten alive by huge Transylvanian mosquitoes. (At least we hoped they were mosquitoes!) At that point I was dead tired, overheated, itching all over my body, and—a special bonus—lacking the usual scratching tools. It was torture!
布莱恩建议我冲个澡止痒，然后他在我被蚊子叮的肿包上喷了一些止痒的急救药。我又回到床上去睡，但是十分钟后，我又再度大叫布莱恩，因为我可怜的身体像着了火一样!我对刚刚那个止痒喷剂过敏了!
At Bryan's suggestion, I took a shower to relieve the itching. Then he sprayed my swollen bug bites with an anti-itching first aid remedy. I returned to my bed, but ten minutes later I was hollering for Bryan again. My poor body was on fire! I'd had an allergic reaction to the anti-itching spray.
我的看护再次匆匆忙忙地把我拖进浴室冲洗，而在这个过程中，他滑倒了，头撞到马桶，差点没撞昏。精疲力竭的我们只想睡觉，但这恐怖的一夜还没结束。因为空调坏了，房间里实在太热，这个时候我已经快疯了，所以跟布莱恩借了枕头。
He scrambled to haul me into the shower again, and in the process he slipped, fell, and banged his head on the toilet, nearly knocking himself out! Exhausted, we just wanted to sleep, but our night of horrors was not yet over. With the air conditioner out, the room was just too hot. By this time I wasn't thinking like a sane person, so I told Bryan to lend me a pillow.
“走廊上的空调没坏，我要去那里睡!”我跟已经没辙的看护说。
"The air conditioner is working in the hallway, so I'm sleeping out there," I told my baffled caregiver.
布莱恩没力气跟我争辩。他倒在床上，我则在房间外面的走廊直接躺下，房门打开，这样当我需要帮忙时，布莱恩就可以听到。我们就这样小睡了一两个钟头吧，然后有个陌生人从我上方跨过去，直接走进房里，用破英文大声斥责可怜的布莱恩。
Bryan didn't have the strength to argue with me. He collapsed on his bed, and I crashed just outside the room, leaving the door open so he could hear me if I needed help. We snoozed like that for an hour or two before a total stranger stepped over me, marched into the room, and berated poor Bryan in broken English.
他在那里气冲冲地骂了几分钟后，我们才搞清楚这位路人甲以为布莱恩把我丢到走廊上去睡，气得不得了。我们花了好长一段时间说服这位想要成为“好撒马利亚人”[25]的男士，让他知道我是自愿去睡走廊的。
He ranted on for several minutes before we figured out that our intruder was furious because he thought Bryan had thrown me out in the hallway to sleep on the floor! We had a tough time convincing this would-be Good Samaritan that I was sleeping in the corridor by choice.
这位陌生人离开后，我爬回我的床，布莱恩回到他的床上。但是当我们终于慢慢进入梦乡时，布莱恩的手机响了。他接起电话，一阵狂骂灌进他耳朵里，原来是我们这次巡回演讲的协调人。显然刚刚那位好心的路人甲并没有被我们说服，跑去跟饭店的安全人员说我整晚都被丢在走廊上，饭店就对我们的协调人发火，然后那位协调人就气得打电话来威胁可怜的布莱恩，说要对他动用私刑!
Once the stranger left, I crawled back into my bed. Bryan returned to his. But just as we finally drifted off to sleep, Bryan's cell phone rang. When he answered, a verbal blast pounded his ear. It was the coordinator of our speaking tour. Evidently our well-meaning intruder had not been convinced. He'd reported to hotel security that I'd been left in the hallway all night, and they'd raised heck with our coordinator, who was threatening to have poor Bryan tarred and feathered.
现在你知道为什么我通常得请三个看护轮流照顾我了吧。布莱恩和我现在可以对我们的罗马尼亚梦魇一笑置之，但那时我们可是经过几个舒爽凉快、没有蚊子打扰的好眠之夜后，才回过神来。
Now you can see why I normally employ three caregivers who rotate on shifts seven days a week. Bryan and I can laugh about our nightmarish night in Transylvania now, but it took several nights of sleeping in cool rooms, without bugs, to get over it.
年轻的时候，我必须学习的功课之一就是向人求助是没有关系的。无论你的身体零件是不是配备齐全，有时候，你就是没办法一个人搞定某些事。没错，谦虚是一项人际关系能力，也是上帝所赐的礼物。
One of the lessons I had to learn early in life was that it's okay to ask for help. Whether you've got all the standard body parts or not, there will be times when you simply can't go it alone. Yes, humility is a people skill and a God-given gift.
向人求助时要谦卑，无论你求助的对象是看护、良师益友、人生典范或家人。假如你向外求援时够谦卑，大多数人都会愿意抽空帮你。但如果你表现得好像自己无所不知，根本不需要别人，那就真的不太可能得到援助了。
You have to be humble to ask others for help, whether it's a caregiver, a mentor, a role model, or a family member. When someone is humble enough to reach out for assistance, most people respond by giving of themselves and their time. If you act as though you have all the answers and don't need anyone else, you are less likely to attract support.
