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双语·月亮与六便士 第三十五章

所属教程:译林版·月亮与六便士

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2022年04月24日

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I scarcely know how we got through that day. Stroeve could not bear to be alone, and I exhausted myself in efforts to distract him.I took him to the Louvre, and he pretended to look at pictures, but I saw that his thoughts were constantly with his wife.I forced him to eat, and after luncheon I induced him to lie down, but he could not sleep.He accepted willingly my invitation to remain for a few days in my apartment.I gave him books to read, but after a page or two he would put the book down and stare miserably into space.During the evening we played innumerable games of piquet, and bravely, not to disappoint my efforts, he tried to appear interested.Finally I gave him a draught, and he sank into uneasy slumber.

When we went again to the hospital we saw a nursing sister. She told us that Blanche seemed a little better, and she went in to ask if she would see her husband.We heard voices in the room in which she lay, and presently the nurse returned to say that the patient refused to see anyone.We had told her that if she refused to see Dirk the nurse was to ask if she would see me, but this she refused also.Dirk's lips trembled.

“I dare not insist,”said the nurse.“She is too ill. Perhaps in a day or two she may change her mind.”

“Is there anyone else she wants to see?”asked Dirk, in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.

“She says she only wants to be left in peace.”

Dirk's hands moved strangely, as though they had nothing to do with his body, with a movement of their own.

“Will you tell her that if there is anyone else she wishes to see I will bring him?I only want her to be happy.”

The nurse looked at him with her calm, kind eyes, which had seen all the horror and pain of the world, and yet, flled with the vision of a world without sin, remained serene.

“I will tell her when she is a little calmer.”

Dirk, filled with compassion, begged her to take the message at once.

“It may cure her. I beseech you to ask her now.”

With a faint smile of pity, the nurse went back into the room. We heard her low voice, and then, in a voice I did not recognize, the answer:

“No. No.No.”

The nurse came out again and shook her head.

“Was that she who spoke then?”I asked.“Her voice sounded so strange.”

“It appears that her vocal cords have been burnt by the acid.”

Dirk gave a low cry of distress. I asked him to go on and wait for me at the entrance, for I wanted to say something to the nurse.He did not ask what it was, but went silently.He seemed to have lost all power of will;he was like an obedient child.

“Has she told you why she did it?”I asked.

“No. She won't speak.She lies on her back quite quietly.She doesn't move for hours at a time.But she cries always.Her pillow is all wet.She's too weak to use a handkerchief, and the tears just run down her face.”

It gave me a sudden wrench of the heart-strings. I could have killed Strickland then, and I knew that my voice was trembling when I bade the nurse good-bye.

I found Dirk waiting for me on the steps. He seemed to see nothing, and did not notice that I had joined him till I touched him on the arm.We walked along in silence.I tried to imagine what had happened to drive the poor creature to that dreadful step.I presumed that Strickland knew what had happened, for someone must have been to see him from the police, and he must have made his statement.I did not know where he was.I supposed he had gone back to the shabby attic which served him as a studio.It was curious that she should not wish to see him.Perhaps she refused to have him sent for because she knew he would refuse to come.I wondered what an abyss of cruelty she must have looked into that in horror she refused to live.

我都几乎不知道我们怎么挨过的那一天。斯特罗伊夫不能忍受一个人落单,我自己在想方设法分散他注意力的努力中也搞得筋疲力尽。我带他到罗浮宫,他假装在看画,但我看得出他的思想一刻也没离开他的妻子。我强迫他吃点东西,午饭之后,我又劝他躺下休息,但他根本没睡着。他乐意接受我的邀请来我的公寓住几天,我给了他一些书让他读,可读不了一两页,他就会把书放下,满眼愁苦地盯着空中愣神。在晚上,我们玩了无数局的皮克牌。为了不让我的努力白费而使我产生失望之感,他强打起精神,好像玩得津津有味的样子。最后我给他喝了口安眠药水,尽管睡得不踏实,但他总算进入了梦乡。

当我们再次去医院的时候,我们找到了一位护士,她告诉我们布兰奇似乎有了一点好转。随后她走进病房问病人是否愿意见她丈夫,我们听见在她住的房间传出了声音,一会儿护士出来告诉我们,病人不想见任何人。我们事先已经告诉护士,如果她拒绝见迪尔柯的话,再问问她是否愿意见我,但是她也拒绝见我。迪尔柯的嘴唇颤抖着。

“我不敢太强求了,”护士说,“她太虚弱了,也许过个一两天她会改变主意的。”

“有她想见的别的什么人吗?”迪尔柯问道,他的声音低得几乎成了耳语。

“她说她只想一个人静静地待着。”

迪尔柯的双手奇怪地动着,好像两只手跟身体没什么关系,只是自己不自觉地晃动着。

“你能去告诉她,如果她想见别的什么人的话,我会把他带来吗?我只希望她能幸福。”

护士用她那宁静、善良的眼睛看着他,这双眼睛已经见惯了世间的所有恐惧和痛苦,但是眸中也充满了没有罪恶世界的幻景,所以保持着宁静和安详。

“她稍微冷静下来以后,我会告诉她的。”

迪尔柯心里充满了悲悯和怜爱,恳求护士马上把这个口信带给布兰奇。

“这可能会治好她的,我乞求您现在就去问吧。”

带着一丝同情的微笑,护士又转身走进了病房。我们听到了她压低的声音,随后,我听到了一个辨认不出的声音回答道:

“不,不,不。”

护士再次出来,摇了摇头。

“刚才说话的是她吗?”我问道,“她的声音听上去怎么那么奇怪?”

“好像她的声带被草酸烧坏了。”

迪尔柯发出了一声压抑的哀号。我让他先走,在医院入口处等着我,因为我还想跟护士说几句话。他什么也没问,一声不吭地走了。他似乎完全失去了意志力,就像一个听话的孩子。

“她告诉过你她为什么要这么做吗?”我问道。

“没有,她不想说话,静静地仰面躺着,好几个小时都一动不动。但她一直在流泪,枕头都湿透了。她太虚弱了,用不了手绢,任泪水在脸庞滑落。”

这番话让我的心弦突然一紧,当时我恨不得立马杀了斯特里克兰,当我和护士说再见的时候,我知道自己的声音也在颤抖。

我发现迪尔柯正在台阶上等我,他的眼神很茫然,好像什么也没看见,直到我碰了碰他的胳膊,才注意到我已经来到他身旁。我们默默地并肩走着,我在努力想象究竟发生了什么,逼得布兰奇这个可怜的人走了这么可怕的一步。我料想斯特里克兰已经知道布兰奇出了事,因为警察局肯定已经派人找过他了,他也一定做了陈述。我不知道他现在在哪儿,我猜他已经回到了那间做他画室的破败的阁楼。很奇怪她并不希望见到他,也许她拒绝让人叫他来,是因为她清楚他不会来的。我想知道,她看到了什么样的一个残酷的无底深渊,在恐惧和绝望之中,她才不想再活下去了。

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