双语《小约翰》 十三

XIII
十三

The clear warm sunshine of an early spring morning shone down on the great city．Its bright rays fell into the room where Johannes lived，and on the low ceiling danced and flickered a large patch of light reflected from the rippling water in the canal．
最初的春晨的清朗温暖的日光，弥漫了大都市。明净的光进到约翰住着的小屋子中，低的顶篷上有一条大的光条，是波动着的运河的水的映象，颤抖而且闪动。

Johannes sat by the window in the sunshine，looking out over the town．Its aspect was completely changed．The grey fog was now a sheeny blue sun-mist，veiling the end of the long streets and the distant towers．The slopes of the slate roofs shone like silver．All the houses showed clear outlines and bright surfaces in the sunshine；the pale blue atmosphere was full of glittering warmth．The water seemed alive．The brown buds of the elm-trees were swollen and shiny，and loudly-chirping sparrows fluttered among the branches．
约翰坐在日照下的窗前，向大都市眺望，现在是全然另一景象了。灰色的雾，换成灿烂的蓝色的阳光，笼罩了长街的尽头和远处的塔。石片屋顶的光线闪作银白颜色，一切房屋以清朗的线和明亮的面穿过日光中——这是浅蓝天中的一个温暖的渲染。水也仿佛有了生气了。榆树的褐色的嫩芽肥而有光，喧嚷的麻雀们在树枝间鼓翼。

A strange feeling came over Johannes as he sat looking out on it all．The sunshine filled him with sweet vague emotion，a mixture of oblivion and ecstasy．He gazed dreamily at the dancing ripples，the bursting leaf-buds；he listened to the chirping of the birds．There was gladness in their tune．
当他在眺望时，约翰的心情就很奇特。日光将他置身于甜的昏迷中了。其中是忘却和难传的欢乐。他在梦里凝视着波浪的光闪，饱满的榆芽，还倾听着麻雀的啾唧。在这音响里是大欢娱。

He had not for a long time felt so soft at heart，nor for many a day been so happy．
他久没有这样地柔和了，他久没有觉得这样地幸福了。

This was the sunshine of old；he knew it well．This was the sun which of yore called him forth—out into the garden where，under the shelter of a low wall，he would stretch himself on the warm ground， where he might for hours enjoy the light and heat，gazing before him at the grasses and sods basking in the glow．
这是他重行认识的往日的日照。这是往日叫他去到自由的太阳，到园子里，他于是在暖地上的一道旧墙荫中——许多工夫，可以享用那温暖和光辉，一面凝视着面前的负暄的草梗。

He was glad in that light；it gave him a safe home-like feeling， such as he remembered long ago when his mother held him in her arms．He thought of all he had gone through，but without either grieving or longing．He sat still and mused，wishing nothing more than that the sun might continue to shine．
在沉静中，于他是好极了，沉静给他以明确的家乡之感——有如他所记得，多年以前在他母亲的腕中。他并不饮泣或神驰，而必须思想一切的过去。他沉静地坐着，梦着，除了太阳的照临之外，他什么也不希望了。

“What are you about，mooning there？”cried Pluizer．“You know I do not approve of dreaming．”
“你怎么这样沉思地坐着呢，约翰？”穿凿叫喊，“你知道，我是不容许做梦的。”

Johannes looked up with absent，imploring eyes．
约翰恳求地抬起了出神的眼睛。

“Leave me alone for a little longer，”said he；“the sun is so good！”
“再给我这样地停一会罢，”他祈求说，“太阳是这样好。”

“What can you find in the sun？”said Pluizer．“It is nothing， after all，but a big candle—sunlight or candlelight，it is all the same in the end．Look at the patches of light and shadow in the street—they are nothing more than the effect of a light which burns steadily and does not nicker．And that light is really quite a small flame shining on a quite small speck of the universe．Out there，beyond the blue，above and beneath，it is dark，—cold and dark！It is night there， now and always．”
“你在太阳里会寻出什么来呢，喂？”穿凿说，“它并非什么，不过是一枝大蜡烛，你坐在烛光下或是在日光下，完全一样的。看罢！街上的那阴影和亮处——也即等于一个安静地燃烧着而不闪动的灯火的照映。而那光，也不过是照着世界上的极渺小的一点的一个极渺小的小火焰罢了。那边！那边！在那蔚蓝旁边，在我们上面和底下，是暗，冷而且暗！那边是夜，现在以及永久！”

But his words had no effect on Johannes．The calm warm sunbeams had penetrated him，bathed his whole soul—he was full of light and peace．
但他的话于约翰没有效。沉静的温暖的日光贯彻了他，并且充满了他的全灵魂了——在他是平和而且明晰。

Pluizer carried him off to Doctor Cypher's cold house．For some time yet the sunny images floated before his brain；then they slowly faded away，and by the middle of the day all was dark again within him．
穿凿带着他到号码博士的冰冷的住所去。日象还在他的精神上飘泛了一些时，于是逐渐黯淡了，当正午时分，在他是十足的幽暗。

But when evening came he made his way through the town once more，the air was soft and full of the vapourous odours of the past．Only the fragrance was ten times stronger，and oppressed him in the narrow streets．But as he crossed the open square he smelt the grass and leaves from the country beyond．And overhead he saw the spring in the tranquil little clouds and the tender rose of the western sky．
但到晚间，他又在都市的街道上趱行的时候，空气闷热，且被潮湿的春气充塞了。一切的发香都强烈了十倍，而在这狭窄的街中，使他窘迫。惟在空旷处，他齅出草和树林的新芽。在都市上，他看见春，在西方天际嫩红中的平静的小云里。

The twilight shed a soft grey mist，full of delicate tints，over the town．The streets were quiet，only a grinding organ in the distance played a love-sick tune；the houses stood out black against the crimson heavens，their fantastic pinnacles and chimneys stretching up like numberless arms．
黄昏在都市上展开了嫩色的柔软的银灰的面纱。街上是寂静了，只在远处有一个手拉风琴弄出悲哀的节奏——房屋向着红色的暮天，都扬起一律的黑影，还如无数的臂膊一般，在高处伸出它们的尖端和烟突来。

To Johannes it was as though the sun were giving him a kind smile as he shed his last beams over the great city—kind，like the smile which seals a pardon．And the warmth stroked Johannes's cheek with a caress．
这在约翰，有如太阳末后照在大都市上时的和蔼的微笑——和蔼地如同宽恕了一件傻事的微笑似的。那微微的温暖，还来抚摩约翰的双颊。

Deep tenderness came over his soul，so great that he could walk no farther，but lifted up his face to the wide heavens with a deep sigh．The Spring was calling to him and he heard it．He longed to answer—to go．His heart was full of repentance and love and forgiveness．
于是悲哀潜入了约翰的心，有这样沉重，至使他不能再走，且必须将他的脸伸向远天中深深地呼吸了。春天在叫他，他也听到。他要回答，他要去。这一切在他是后悔，爱，宽恕。

He gazed up with longing tears flowing from his sad eyes．
他极其神往地向上凝视。从他模胡的眼里涌出泪来。

“Come，Johannes！do not behave so strangely；people are staring at you！”cried Pluizer．
“去罢！约翰！你不要发呆罢，人们看着你哩。”穿凿说。

The long monotonous rows of houses stretched away on each side，gloomy and repulsive—an offence in the soft atmosphere，a discord in the voices of the Spring．
蒙胧而昏暗地向两旁展开着长的单调的房屋的排列。是温和的空气中的一个苦恼，是春声里面的一声哀呼。

The folk were sitting at their doors and on the steps，to enjoy the warmth．To Johannes this was a mockery．The squalid doors stood open and the stuffy rooms within awaited their inhabitants．The organ was still grinding out its melancholy tune in the distance．“Oh，if I could but fly away—far away！To the sand-hills and the sea！”
人们坐在门内和阶沿上，以消受这春天。这于约翰像是一种嘲侮。污秽的门畅开着，浑浊的空间等候着那些人。在远处还响着手拉风琴的悲哀的音调。“呵，我能够飞开这里，远去，冈上，海上！”

But he must needs go home to the little garret room；and that night he could not sleep．
然而他仍须伴着高的小屋子，而且他醒着躺了这一夜。

He could not help thinking of his father，and of the long walks he had been used to take with him，when he trotted ten yards behind， or his father traced letters for him in the sand．He thought of the spots where the violets grew under the brushwood，and of the days when he and his father had hunted for them．All the night he saw his father's face just as he had seen him in the evenings when he sat by his side in the silence and lamplight，watching him and listening to the scratching of his pen．
他总要想念他父亲，以及和他同行的远道的散步——如果他走在他的十步之后，那父亲就给他在沙土上写字母。他总要想念那地丁花生在灌木之间的处所，以及和父亲同去搜访的那一天。他整夜看见他的父亲的脸一如先前，他在夜间安静的灯光中顾盼他，还倾听他笔锋写字的声响。

Every morning now he asked Pluizer when he might once more go home to his father，and see the garden and the sand-hills again．And he perceived now that he had loved his father more than Presto，or his little room，for it was of him that he asked—
于是他每晨祈求穿凿，还给他回乡一回，往他的家和他的父亲，再看一遍沙冈和园子。现在他觉出他先前的爱父亲，过于普烈斯多和他的小屋子了，因为他现在只为他而祈求。

“Tell me how he is，and if he is not angry with me for staying away so long．”
“那就只告诉我，他怎样了，我出外这么久，他还在恼我么？”

Pluizer shrugged his shoulders．“Even if I could tell you，what good would it do you？”
穿凿耸一耸肩：“即使你知道了，于你有什么益呢？”

But the spring still called him，louder and louder．Night after night he dreamed of the dark green moss and the downs，and the sunbeams falling through the fine，fresh verdure．
春天却过去了，呼唤他，越呼越响。他每夜梦见冈坡上的暗绿的苔藓，透了嫩的新叶而下的阳光。

“I can bear it no longer，”thought Johannes．“I cannot stay．”
“这是不能长久如此的，”约翰想，“我就要支持不住了。”

And as he could not sleep he softly got out of bed，went to the window，and looked out on the night．He saw the drowsy，fleecy clouds slowly sailing beneath the full moon，peacefully floating in a sea of pale light．He thought of the downs far away，sleeping through the warm night；how beautiful it must be in the low woods where none of the baby leaves would be stirring，and where the air was smelling of damp moss and young birch sprouts！He fancied he could hear the rising chorus of frogs，sounding mysteriously from afar over the meadows，and the pipe of the only bird which accompanies the solemn stillness—which begins its song with such soft lament and breaks off so suddenly that the silence seems more still than before．And it called to him—everything called to him．He bowed his head on the window-sill and sobbed in his sleeve．
每当他不能入睡的时候，他往往轻轻地起来，走到窗前，向着暗夜凝视。他看见蒸腾的蒙茸的小云，怎么慢慢地溜过月轮旁边，平和地飘浮在柔和的光海里。他便想，在那远方，冈阜是怎样地微睡在闷热的深夜中！在深的小树林间，绝无新叶作响，潮湿的莓苔和鲜嫩的桦条也将发香，那该是怎样地神奇呵。他仿佛听得远处有虾蟆的抑扬的合唱，满是秘密地浮过田野来，还有唯一的鸟的歌曲，是足以伴那严肃的寂静的，它将歌曲唱得如此低声地哀怨地开头，而且陡然中断，以致那寂静显得更其寂静了。鸟在呼唤他，一切都在呼唤他。他将头靠着窗沿，并且在他的臂膊上呜咽起来了。

“I cannot，I cannot bear it！I shall die soon，if I do not get away！”
“我不能！——我受不住。倘我不能就去，我一定会就死了。”

When Pluizer came to call him next day he was still sitting by the window，where he had fallen asleep with his head on his arm．
第二天穿凿叫他醒来的时候，他还坐在窗前，他就在那里睡着了，头靠在臂膊上。

The days went by，longer and warmer，and still there was no change．But Johannes did not die，and had to bear his troubles．
日子过去了，又长又热，而且无变化。然而约翰没有死，他还应该担着他的苦痛。

One morning Doctor Cypher said to him—
有一日的早晨，号码博士对他说：

“Come with me，Johannes；I have to visit a sick man．”
“我要去看一个病人，约翰，你愿意同我去么？”

Doctor Cypher was well known as a learned man，and many appealed to him for help against disease and death．Johannes had already gone with him on such errands now and then．
号码博士有博学的名声，而且对于病和死，有许多人来邀请他的帮助。约翰是屡次伴过他的。

Pluizer was unusually cheerful that morning．He would at times stand on his head，dance and leap，and play all sorts of impudent tricks．He wore a constant mysterious grin，as though he had a surprise in store for some one．Johannes dreaded him most in this mood．
穿凿在这早晨异常地高兴。他总是倒立、跳舞、翻筋斗，并且玩出各种疯狂似的说笑来。他不住地非常秘密地窃笑着，像一个准备着给人一吓的人。

Doctor Cypher was as grave as ever．
但号码博士却只是平常一样严正。

They went a long way that morning，in a train，and on foot．They went farther than Johannes had ever been before outside the town．
这一日他们走了远的路。用铁路，也用步行。约翰是还没有一同到过外边的。

It was a fine hot day．Johannes，looking out from the train，saw the broad green fields fly past，with tall feathery grasses and grazing kine．He saw white butterflies flitting over the flowery land where the air quivered with the heat of the sun．
这是一个温暖的、快乐的日子。约翰从车中向外望，那广大的碧绿的牧场，带着它欲飞的草和吃食的家畜，都在他身边奔过去了。他看见白胡蝶在种满花卉的地上翩跹，空气为了日热发着抖。

But suddenly he saw a gleam in the distance．—There lay the long undulating stretch of sand-hills．
但他忽而悚然了：那地方展布着长的、起伏的连冈。

“Now，Johannes，”said Pluizer with a grin，“now you have your wish，you see．”
“唉，约翰，”穿凿窃笑着，“那就要中你的意了，你看罢！”

Johannes，half incredulous，sat gazing at the sand-hills．They came nearer and nearer．The long ditches on each side of the railway seemed to whirl round a distant centre，and the little houses flew swiftly past and away down the road．
半信半疑地，约翰注视着沙冈。沙冈越来越近，仿佛是两旁的长沟，正在绕着它们的轴子旋转，还有几所人家，都在它们旁边扑过去了。

Then came some trees：thickly green horse-chestnut trees， covered with thousands of spikes of pink and white blossoms—dark， blue-green pines—tall，spreading lime-trees．
于是来了树木，茂密的栗树，盛开着，带着千数大的或红或白的花房，暗蓝绿色的枞树，高大而堂皇的菩提树。

It was true，then，—he was going to see his sand-hills once more．The train stopped；they all three jumped out，under verdurous shade．
这就是真实——他须再见他的沙冈。列车停止了，三人于是在成荫的枝柯下面行走。

Here was the deep，green moss，here were the flecks of sunshine on the ground under the forest-trees—this was the fragrance of birch-buds and pine-needles．
这是深绿的莓苔，这是日光在林地上的圆点，这是桦条和松针的幽香。

“Is it real—is it true？”thought Johannes．“Can such happiness befall me？”
“这是真实么？这是实际么？”约翰想，“幸福要来了罢？”

His eyes sparkled and his heart beat high．He began to believe in his happiness．He knew these trees and this soil．He had often trodden this forest-path．
他的眼睛发光了，他的心大声地跳着。他快要相信他的幸福了。这些树木，这地面，他很熟识——他曾经屡次在这树林道中往来。

They were alone here．But Johannes could not help looking round，as though some one were following him．And he fancied that between the oak boughs he caught sight of a dark figure hiding itself， as they threaded the last turns of the path．
只有他们在道路上，此外没有人。然而约翰要回顾，仿佛有谁跟着他们似的。他又似乎从槲树枝间望见一个黑暗的人影，每当那路的最末的转角，便看不分明了。

Pluizer looked at him with mysterious cunning．Doctor Cypher hurried forward，with long strides，keeping his eyes on the ground．
穿凿阴险地暧昧地注视他。号码博士大踏步走，看着目前的地面。

At each step the way was more familiar—he knew every stone and every shrub—and suddenly Johannes started violently：he stood before his old home．
道路于他更熟识，更相信了，他认得每一丛草、每一块石。约翰忽然剧烈地吃了惊，因为他站在他自己的住所前面了。

The horse-chestnut in front of the house spread the shade of its large，fingered leaves．Above him the beautiful white flowers，and thick，round mass of foliage towered high overhead．
屋前的栗树，展开着它那大的手一般的叶子。直到上面的最高枝梢上，在繁密的圆圆的丛叶里，煊赫着华美的白色的繁花。

He heard the sound of an opening door which he knew well—and he smelt the peculiar smell of his own home．He recognised the passage，the doors，everything，bit by bit—with a keen pang of lost familiarity．It was all a part of his life—of his lonely dreamy childhood．He had held council with all these things，had lived with them his own life of thoughts—to which he had admitted no human being．But now he felt himself dead，as it were，and cut off from the old house，with its rooms and passages and doorways．The severance，he knew，was irremediable，and he felt as melancholy and woeful as though he had come to visit a graveyard．If only Presto had sprung out to meet him，it would have been less dreary．But Presto，no doubt，was gone or dead．
他听到开门的熟识的声响，他又齅到他自己的住所的气味。于是他认出了各进路、各门户，每一点，都带着一种离乡的苦痛的感觉。凡有一切，都是他的生活的、他的寂寞而可念的儿童生活的一部分。对于这些一切物事，他曾经和它们谈天，和它们在自己的理想生活中过活，这里是他决不放进一个他人的。然而现在他却觉得从这全部老屋分离，推出了，连着它们的各房间、各进路和各屋角。他觉得这分离极难挽回，他的心绪正如他在探访一个坟庄，这样地凄凉和哀痛。只要有普烈斯多迎面跳来，那也许就减少一点非家的况味，然而普烈斯多却一定已经跑掉，或者死掉了。

But where was his father？
然而父亲在那里呢？

He looked back through the open door out into the sunny garden，and saw the man who，as he had fancied，was following them on the way，coming towards the house．He came nearer and nearer，and seemed to grow in stature as he approached．When he reached the door a vast cold shadow filled the entrance．Then Johannes knew him．
他回顾开着的门和外面的日光下的园子，他看见那人，那似乎在路上追随着他们的，现在已经走向房屋来了。他越来越近，那走近仿佛只见加增。他一近门，门口便充满了一个大的、寒冷的影子。于是约翰就认出了这人。

There was perfect silence indoors，and they went up-stairs without speaking．There was one step which always creaked under foot as Johannes knew；and now he heard it creak three times with a sound like a groan of pain．But under the fourth footstep it was like a deep sob．
屋里是死静，他们沉默着走上楼梯去。有一级是一踏常要作响的——这约翰知道。现在他也听到，怎样地发了三回响——这发响像是苦痛的呻吟。但到第四回的足踏，却如隐约的呃逆了。

Above stairs，Johannes heard moaning，as low and as regular as the slow ticking of a clock．It was a heart-rending and doleful sound．
而且约翰在上面还听到一种喘息，低微而一律，有如缓慢的时钟的走动，是一种苦痛而可怕的声音。

The door of his own little room stood open；he timidly glanced in．The strange flowers on the curtains stared at him with unmeaning surprise．The clock had stopped．
他的小屋子的门畅开着。约翰赶紧投以胆怯的一瞥。那地毯上的奇异的花纹是诧异而无情地凝视他，时钟站得静静地。

They went on to the room whence the groaning came．It was his father's bedroom．The sun shone in brightly，on the green bed-curtains which were drawn close．Simon，the cat，sat on the window-sill，in the sun．There was an oppressive smell of wine and camphor；the low moaning now sounded close at hand．
他们走进那发出声音来的房里去。这是父亲的卧室。太阳高兴地照着放下的绿色的床帏。西蒙，那猫，坐在窗台上的日照里。全房充满着葡萄酒和樟脑的郁闷的气味。一种低微的抽噎，现在就从近处传来了。

Johannes heard whispering voices and carefully softened footsteps．Then the green curtains were opened．
约翰听到柔软的声音的细语和小心的脚步的微声。于是绿帏便被掣起了。

He saw his father's face，which had so often risen before him during the last few weeks．But it was quite different．The kind，grave expression had given way to a rigid look of suffering，and his face was ashy pale，with brown shadows．The teeth showed through the parted lips，and the white of the eyes under the half-closed lids．His head lay sunk in pillows，and was lifted a little with every moaning breath，falling back wearily after each effort．
他看见了父亲的脸，这是他近来常在目前看见的。然而完全两样了。亲爱的严正的外貌已经杳然，但在可怕地僵视。苍白了，还带着灰色的阴影。看见眼白在半闭的眼睑下，牙齿在半开的口中。头是陷枕中间，每一呻吟便随着一抬起，于是又疲乏地落在旁边了。

Johannes stood by the bed without stirring，staring with wide fixed eyes at the well-known features．He did not know what he thought；he dared not move a finger，he dared not take the wan old hands，which lay limp on the white linen sheet．
约翰屹立在床面前，大张了僵直的眼睛，瞠视着熟识的脸。他想什么，他不知道——他不敢用手指去一触，他不敢去握那疲乏地放在白麻布上的、衰老的干枯的双手。

All about him was black，the sun and the bright room，the greenery outside and the blue air he had come in from—all the past was black—black，heavy and impenetrable．And that night he could see nothing but that pale face．He could think of nothing but the poor head which seemed so weary，and yet was lifted again and again with a groan of anguish．
环绕他的一切都黑了，那太阳，那明朗的房子，那外面的丛绿，以及历来如此蔚蓝的天空——一切，凡有在他后面的，黑了，黑，昏昧地，而且不可透彻地。在这一夜，他也别无所见，只在前面看见苍白的头。他还应该接着只想这可怜的头，这显得如此疲乏，而一定永是从新和苦痛的声息一同抬起的。

But there was a change in this regular movement．The moaning ceased，the eyes slowly opened and stared about inquiringly，while the lips tried to say something．
定规的动作在一转瞬间变化了。呻吟停歇，眼睑慢慢地张开，眼睛探索似地向各处凝视，嘴唇也想表出一点什么来。

“Good-morning，father，”whispered Johannes，looking into the seeking eyes and trembling with terror．The dim gaze rested on him， and a faint，faint smile moved the hollow cheeks；the thin clenched hand was lifted from the sheet and made a feeble movement towards Johannes，but it dropped again，powerless．
“好天，父亲！”约翰低声说，并且恐怖地发着抖，看着那探索的眼睛。那困倦的眼光于是看了他一刹时，一种疲乏的微笑，便出现在陷下的双颊上。细瘦的皱缩的手从麻布上举起，还向约翰作了一种不分明的动作，就又无力地落下了。

“Come，come，”said Pluizer．“No scenes here．”
“唉，什么！”穿凿说，“只莫是愁叹场面！”

“Get out of the way，Johannes，”said Doctor Cypher．“We must see what can be done．”
“给我闪开，约翰，”号码博士说，“我们应该看一看，我们得怎么办。”

The Doctor began his examination，and Johannes went away from the bed-side and stood by the window，looking out at the sunlit grass and broad chestnut leaves on which large flies were sitting which shone blue in the sun．The groaning began again with the same regularity．
博士开手检查了，约翰却离开卧床，站在窗口。他凝视那日照的草和清朗的天空，以及宽阔的栗树叶，叶上坐着肥大的蓝蝇，在日光中莹莹地发闪。那呻吟又以那样的定规发作了。

A blackbird was hopping among the tali grass，large red and black butterflies fluttered over the flower-beds，and from the topmost boughs of the highest trees a soft，tender cooing of wood-pigeons， fell on Johannes's ear．
一匹黑色的白头鸟在园里的高草间跳跃——大的、红黑的胡蝶在花坛上盘旋，从高树的枝柯中，冲出了野鸽的柔媚的钩辀，来到约翰的耳朵里。

In the room the moaning went on—without ceasing．He could not help listening—and it came as regularly，as inevitably as the falling drip which may drive a man mad．He watched anxiously at every interval and it always came again—as awful as the approaching footsteps of Death．
里面还是那呻吟，永是如此，永是如此。他必须听——而且这来得一律，没有变换，就如下坠的水滴，会使人发狂。他紧张着等候那每一间歇，而这永是又发作了——可怕如死的临近的脚步。

And outside，warm and rapturous delight in the sunshine reigned．Everything was basking and happy．The blades of grass thrilled and the leaves whispered for sheer gladness．High above the trees in the deep，distant blue，a heron was soaring on lazy wing．
而外面是温暖的，适意的日和。一切在负暄，在享受。因了甘美的欢乐，草颤抖着，树叶簌簌着，高在树梢上，深在蠢动的蔚蓝中，飘浮着一只平静地鼓翼的苍鹭。

Johannes did not understand—it was all a mystery to him．Everything was confused and dark in his soul—“How can all this exist in me at the same time？”thought he．
约翰不懂这些，这一切于他都是疑团。他的灵魂是这样地错乱和幽暗。——“怎么这一切竟同时到我这里呢？”他自己问。

“Am I really myself？ Is that my father—my own father？ Mine—Johannes's？”
“我真是他么？这是我的父亲，我本身的父亲么？——我的，我约翰的？”

And it was as though a stranger spoke．It was all a tale which he had heard．He had heard some one tell of Johannes，and of the house where he dwelt with his father from whom he had run away，and who was now dying．This was not himself—he had only heard of it all；and indeed it was a sad story，—very sad．But it had nothing to do with him．
在他，似乎是他在说起一个别的人。一切是他所听到的故事。他听得有一个人讲，讲约翰，讲他所住的房屋，讲他舍去而垂死的他的父亲。他自己并非那他，他是听到了谈讲。这确是一般悲惨的故事，很悲惨。但他和这是不相干的。

And yet—and yet．—It was he himself，Johannes．
是的！——是的！偏是！他自己就是那他，他！约翰！

“I cannot understand the case，”said Doctor Cypher，pulling himself up．“It is a very mysterious attack．”
“我不懂得这事情，”号码博士站起身来的时候说，“这是一个疑难的症候。”

Pluizer came up to Johannes．
穿凿站在约翰的近旁。

“Come and look，Johannes；it is a very interesting case．The Doctor knows nothing about it．”
“你不要来看一看么，约翰？这是一件有趣味的事情。博士不懂它。”

“Leave me alone，”said Johannes，without turning round．“I cannot think．”
“放下我，”约翰说，也不回头，“我不能想。”

But Pluizer went close behind him and whispered sharply in his ear，as was his wont—
但穿凿却立在约翰的后面，对他絮语，照例尖利地传入他的耳朵来。

“You cannot think？ Did you fancy that you could not think？ That is a mistake．You must think．Staring out like this at the green grass and the blue sky will do no good．Windekind will not come to you．And the sick man is sinking fast；that you must have seen as clearly as we did．But what is his disorder，do you think？”
“不想？——你相信，你不能想么？那是你错了。你应该想。你即使看着丛绿和蓝色的天，那是于你无益的。旋儿总是不来的。而且在那边的生病的人，无论如何就要死的。这你看得很明白，同我们一样。他的苦恼是怎样呢，你可想想么？”

“I do not know！—I do not want to know！”
“我不知道那些，我不要知道那些。”

Johannes said no more，but listened to the moaning；it sounded like a gentle complaint and reproach．Doctor Cypher was taking notes in a book．At the head of the bed sat the dark figure which had followed them in；his head was bowed，his lean hand extended towards the sick man，and his hollow eyes steadfastly gazing at the clock．
约翰沉默了，并且倾听着呻吟，这响得如低微的苛责的哀诉。号码博士在一本小书上写了一点略记。床头坐着那曾经追随他们的黑暗的形象——低着头，向病人伸开了长臂膊，深陷的眼睛看定了时钟。

That sharp whisper in his ear began again．
尖利的絮语又在他的耳边发作了。

“Why are you so unhappy，Johannes？ You have got what you wished for．There lie the sand-hills，there is the sunshine through the verdure，there are the dancing butterflies，the singing birds．What more do you want？ Are you waiting for Windekind？ If he exists anywhere，it must be there．Why does he not come to you？ He is frightened，no doubt，by our dark friend by the bed．He always has been afraid of him．”
“你为什么这样凄凉地注视呢，约翰？你确有你的意志的。那边横着沙冈，那边有日光拂着丛绿，那边有禽鸟在歌唱和胡蝶在翩跹。你还希望什么呢，等候旋儿么？如果他在一个什么地方，那他就一定在那地方的，而他为什么不来呢？——他可是太怕那在头边的幽暗朋友么？但他是永在那里的。”

“Don't you see，Johannes，that it was all fancy？”
“你可看出，一切事情都是想象么，约翰？”

“And listen to the moaning．It is weaker than it was just now．You can hear that it will soon cease altogether．Well，and what matter？ Many folks must have groaned just so when you were at play here among the wild roses．Why do you now sit here grieving instead of going out to the sand-hills as you used to do？ Look！ Out there everything is as flowery and fragrant as if nothing had happened．Why do you care no more for all the gladness of that life？”
“你可听清那呻吟么？这比刚才已经微弱一点了，你能听出它不久就要停止。那么，怎么办呢？当你在外面冈蔷薇之间跑来跑去的时候，也曾有过这么多的呻吟了。你为什么站在这里，悲伤着，而不像你先前一般，到沙冈去呢？看哪！那边是一切烂熳着，馥郁着，而且歌唱着，像毫无变故似的。你为什么不参与一切兴趣和一切生活的呢？”

“First you complained and longed to be here．Now I have brought you where you yearned to be，and yet you are not content．See．I will let you go—go out into the tall grass，lie in the cool shade，let the flies hum about you，and breathe the perfume of growing herbs．You are free！Go．Find Windekind once more．”
“你方才哀诉着，神往着——那么，我就带领你去，到你要去的地方，我也不再和你游览了，我让你自由，通过高草，躺在凉荫中，并且任飞蝇绕着你营营，并且吸取那嫩草的香味，我让你自由，就去罢！再寻旋儿去罢！”

“You will not？ Then do you now believe in me alone？ Is all I have told you true？ Am I or is Windekind the false one？”
“你不愿意，那你就还是独独相信我。凡我所说给你的，是真实不是？说谎的是旋儿，还是我呢？”

“Listen to the moans！So short and feeble！They will soon be stilled．”
“听那呻吟！——这么短，这么弱。这快要平静了。”

“But do not look so terrified，Johannes，the sooner it is ended， the better．There could be no long walks now，no more seeking for violets together．With whom has he wandered these two years，do you think，while you were away？ You can never ask him now．You can never know．If you had known me a little earlier you would not look so wretched now．You are a long way yet from being what you must become．Do you think that Doctor Cypher in your place would look as you do？ It would sadden him no more than it does the cat blinking there in the sunshine．And it is best so．Of what use is brooding sorrow？ Have the flowers learnt to grieve？ They do not mourn if one of them is plucked．Is not that far happier？ They know nothing，and that is why they are thus content．You have begun to know something；now you must learn everything to become happy．I alone can teach you．All，or nothing．”
“你不要这样恐怖地四顾罢，约翰。那平静得越早，就越好。那么，就不再有远道的游行，你也永不再和他去搜访地丁花了。因为你走开了，这二年他曾经和谁游行了呢？——是的，你现在已经不能探问他。你将永不会知道了。你就只得和我便满足。假使你略早些认识我，你现在便不这样苦恼地注视了。你从来不这样，像现在似的。从你看来，你以为号码博士像是假惺惺么？这是会使他忧闷的，正如在日照中打呼卢的那猫一样。而且这是正当的。这样的绝望有什么用呢？这是花卉们教给你的么？如果一朵被折去了，它们也不悲哀。这不是幸福么？它们无所知，所以它们是这样。你曾经开始，知道一点东西了，那么，为幸福计，你也就应该知道一切。这惟我能够教授你。一切，或简直全无。”

“Listen to me．What is there remarkable in your father's case？ It is the death of a man—that is a common occurrence．Now do you hear the gasping？ Weaker still！It must be very near the end！”
“听我。他是否你的父亲，于你有什么相干呢？他是一个垂死的人——这是一件平常事。你还听到那呻吟么？——很微弱，不是么？——这就要到结局了。”

Johannes looked at the bed in agonised fear．Simon the cat jumped down from the window-sill，stretched himself，and then，still purring，lay down on the bed by the dying man．
约翰在恐怖的窘迫中，向卧床察看。西蒙，那猫，跳下窗台，伸一伸四肢，并且打着呼卢在床上垂死者的身边躺下了。

The poor weak head moved no longer；it lay still，sunk in the pillows，but the short，dull panting still came through the half-open mouth．It grew weaker and weaker till it was scarcely audible．
那可怜的，疲乏的头已经不再动弹，——挤在枕头里静静地躺着——然而从半开的口中却还定规地发出停得很短的疲乏的声音。这也低下去了，难于听到了。

Then Death took his hollow eyes off the clock and looked at the weary head；he raised his hand．Then all was still．A grey shadow fell on the rigid features．Silence，oppressive，unbroken silence！
于是死将黑暗的眼睛从时钟转到沉埋的头上，并且抬起手来。于是寂静了。僵直的容貌上蒙上了一层青苍的阴影。寂静，渺茫的空虚的寂静！

Johannes sat and sat，waiting．
约翰等待着，等待着。

But the regular sound was heard no more．All was still—a great， murmuring stillness．
然而那定规的声息不再回来了。止于寂静——大的，呼哨的寂静。

The tension of the last hours of listening was over，and to Johannes it seemed that his soul had been let fall down into black and bottomless space．Deeper and deeper he fell．All about him grew darker and more silent．
在最末的时刻，也停止了倾听的紧张，这在约翰，仿佛是灵魂得了释放，而且坠入了一个黑的、无底的空虚。他越坠越深。环绕他的是寂静和幽暗。

Then he heard Pluizer's voice as if it were a long way off．
于是响来了穿凿的声音，仿佛出自远方似的。

“There！That tale is told．”
“哦，这故事那也就到结局了。”

“That is well，”said Doctor Cypher．“Now you can see what was wrong with him．I leave that to you．I must be off．”
“好的，”号码博士说，“那么，你可以看一看这是什么了。我都交付你。我应该去了。”

Still，as if half-dreaming，Johannes saw the gleam of bright knives．
还半在梦里，约翰看见晃耀着闪闪的小刀。

The cat set her back up．It was cold by the corpse，and she returned to the sunshine．
那猫做了一个弓腰，在身体旁边冷起来了，它又寻得了日照。

Johannes saw Pluizer take a knife，which he examined carefully， and then went up to the bed．
约翰看见，穿凿怎样地拿起一把小刀，仔细地审视，并且走向床边来。

Then he shook off his lethargy．Before Pluizer could get to the bed he stood in front of him．
于是约翰便摆脱了昏迷，当穿凿走到床边之前，他就站在他前面。

“What do you want？”he asked．His eyes were wide open with horror．
“你要怎么？”他问。因为震悚，他大张着眼睛。

“We must see what he died of，”said Pluizer．
“我们要看看，这是怎么一回事。”穿凿说。

“No，”said Johannes，and his voice was as deep as a man's．
“不用。”约翰说，而且他的声音响得深如一个男子的声音。

“What is the meaning of this？”said Pluizer，with a glare of rage．“Can you hinder me？ Do you not know how strong I am？”
“这是干什么？”穿凿发着激烈的闪烁的眼光，问，“你能禁止我这事么？你不知道我有多么强么？”

“I will not have it，”said Johannes．He drew a deep breath and set his teeth，staring firmly at Pluizer，and put out his hand against him．
“我不要这事。”约翰说。他咬了牙关，并且深深地呼吸。他看定穿凿，还向他伸出手去。

But Pluizer came nearer．Then Johannes gripped him by the wrists and struggled with him．
然而穿凿走近了。于是约翰抓住他的手腕，而且和他格斗。

Pluizer was strong；he knew that；nothing had ever been able to resist him．But he did not leave go，and his will was steadfast．
穿凿强，他是知道的，他向来未曾反抗他。但是他不退缩，不气馁。

The knife gleamed before his eyes；he seemed to see sparks and red flames，but he did not give in，and wrestled on．
小刀在他眼前闪烁，他瞥见红焰和火花，然而他不弛懈，并且继续着格斗。

He knew what would happen if he yielded．He knew—he had seen it before．But that which lay behind him was his father，and he would not see it now．
他知道他倘一失败，将有何事发生。他认识那事，他先前曾经目睹过。然而躺在他后面的是什么呢，他的父亲，而且他不愿意看见那件事。

And while he panted and struggled，the dead body lay stretched out motionless，just as it was lying when the silence fell；the white of the eyes visible through a narrow opening，the corners of the mouth curled to a ghastly smile．Only as the two knocked against the bed in their wrestling，the head gently moved a little．
当他们喘息着格斗时中，他们后面横着已死的身体，伸开而且不动，一如躺着一般。在平静的瞬息间，眼白分明如一条线，嘴角吊起，显着僵直的露齿的笑容。独有那两人在他们的争斗中撞着卧床的时候，头便微微地往来摇动。

Still Johannes held his own．His breath came hard and he could not see；a blood-red mist was before his eyes—and still he stood firm．
约翰还是支持着——呼吸不济，他什么都看不见了。当他眼前张起了一层血似的通红的面纱。但他还站得住。

Then gradually the resistance of those wrists grew weaker in his grasp，his muscles relaxed，his arms fell limp by his sides and his clenched hands were empty．
于是在他掌握中的那两腕的抵抗力，慢慢地衰退了。他两手中的紧张减少，臂膊懒散地落下，而且捏着拳的手里是空虚了。

When he looked up Pluizer had vanished．Death sat alone by the bed and nodded to him．
他抬眼看时，穿凿消失了。只有死还坐在床上，并且点头。

“That was well done，Johannes，”said he．
“这是你这边正当的，约翰。”他说。

“Will he come back again？”whispered Johannes．Death shook his head．
“他会再来么？”约翰低声说。死摇摇头。

“Never．Those who have once defied him，never see him again．”
“永不，谁敢对他，就不再见他了。”

“And Windekind？ Shall I ever see Windekind again？”
“旋儿呢？那么，我将再见旋儿呢？”

The gloomy man gazed long at Johannes．His look was no longer terrible，but gentle and grave．It seemed to allure Johannes like some great deep．
那幽暗的人看着约翰许多时。他的眼光已不复使人恐怖了——却是温和而加以诚恳——他吸引约翰如一个至大的深处。

“I alone can take you to Windekind．Through me alone can you find the Book．”
“独有我能领你向旋儿去。独由我能觅得那书儿。”

“Then take me too，there is no one left．Take me with you as you have taken others．I want nothing more．”But again Death shook his head．
“那么你带着我罢——现今，不再有人在这里了——你也带着我罢，像别人一样！我不愿意再下去了……”死又摇摇头。

“You love men，Johannes．You do not know it，but you have always loved them．You must grow up to be a good man．It is a very fine thing to be a good man．”
“你爱人类，约翰。你自己不知道，然而你永是爱了他们。成一个好人，那是较好的事。”

“I do not want that—take me with you．”
“我不愿意——你带着我罢……”

“You are mistaken；you do want it；you cannot help it．”
“不然，不然。你愿意——你不能够别样的……”

The tall dark figure became dim in Johannes's sight—it melted into a vague shape—a formless grey mist filled its place and floated away on the sunbeams．
于是那长的、黑暗的形体，在约翰眼前如雾了。它散成茫昧的形状，一道霏微的灰色的烟霭透过内房，并且升到日光里去了。

Johannes bowed his head on the edge of the bed and mourned for the dead man．
约翰将头俯在床沿上，哭那死掉的人。