夫妻白头偕老的五大秘诀
编者点评:人们往往可以理解一段婚姻为什么会失败，因为失败的婚姻确实很多；但说清楚一段婚姻为什么能成功却要困难得多。虽然每个选择婚姻的人都想好好过日子，但为何有些夫妻能相濡以沫，而有些夫妻却过得鸡犬不宁？下文给你五个白头偕老的秘诀。
| 第一页：找到折衷点 |
| 第二页：要有幽默感 |
| 第三页：保留自己的（一些）小秘密 |
| 第四页：永不放弃 |
| 第五页：多活几年 |
For Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, it's perseverance. For Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, it's maintaining separate work lives. For Doyle and Louise Brunson, having separate bank accounts helps.
对奥兹•奥斯伯恩和雪伦•奥斯伯恩这对夫妻来说，婚姻是一种坚持。对吉米•卡特和罗莎琳•卡特这对夫妻来说，美满婚姻意味着在工作上互不干涉。对多尔•布朗森和路易丝•布朗森这对夫妻来说，银行账户分开是个小诀窍。
A former first lady, a rock star who's been in and out of rehab more times than he can remember, and a professional poker player can all offer considerable insight into the mysterious workings of marriage. After all, their wisdom is gleaned from decades of conjugal bliss.
这三对夫妻中，罗莎琳.卡特是美国前总统的夫人；奥兹•奥斯伯恩是个摇滚歌星，往返于康复中心的次数连他自己都记不清了；多尔•布朗森是个职业扑克选手，对于维系婚姻的秘诀有非常深入的看法。不管怎么说，他们对于婚姻的智慧都来自于几十年婚姻的积累和沉淀。
OK, maybe it wasn't always bliss. But each of them has stayed married -- to the same person -- for a very long time. And each considers his or her marriage to be happy, strong and mutually supportive.
A former first lady, a rock star who's been in and out of rehab more times than he can remember, and a professional poker player can all offer considerable insight into the mysterious workings of marriage. After all, their wisdom is gleaned from decades of conjugal bliss.
这三对夫妻中，罗莎琳.卡特是美国前总统的夫人；奥兹•奥斯伯恩是个摇滚歌星，往返于康复中心的次数连他自己都记不清了；多尔•布朗森是个职业扑克选手，对于维系婚姻的秘诀有非常深入的看法。不管怎么说，他们对于婚姻的智慧都来自于几十年婚姻的积累和沉淀。
OK, maybe it wasn't always bliss. But each of them has stayed married -- to the same person -- for a very long time. And each considers his or her marriage to be happy, strong and mutually supportive.
当然，婚姻并不总是快乐的，但这几对长期以来一直保持着不离不弃的婚姻关系─而且从一而终。他们都认为自己的婚姻关系是快乐、稳固和彼此支持的。
In other words, they beat the odds.
In other words, they beat the odds.
换句话来说，他们做到了许多人未能做到的事情。 Happily married people believe they married their soul mates, and for good reason. Even marrying the right person gets you only part way. Ask the couples themselves, and they'll likely credit some combination of hard work and sheer blind luck. No one says that every day, or even every year, was rosy. And there are plenty of long marriages that are unhappy. But there are some strategies that happily married couples say work:
婚姻幸福的人相信，他们找到了自己的灵魂伴侣，而且他们有充分的理由在一起。不过，即使找对了人，革命也尚未成功。问问这些快乐的夫妻，他们告诉你成功的婚姻还需要双方的努力和一点点运气。没人会说婚姻的每一天、甚至每一年都像玫瑰一样美好。有不少婚姻虽然长久，但并不快乐。不过，婚姻幸福的夫妻还是给出了一些成功的秘诀。
1. 找到折衷点。“Find the middle ground. '
It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.
婚姻就得互相迁就。” 亚利桑那州图桑市(Tucson)一位退休的医院院长玛琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)说。1959年，她经人介绍认识了自己未来的丈夫比尔(Bill)。比尔带了一水壶的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，两个月后两人就结为伉俪。
Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.
一转眼，50年过去了。克里奇夫妇在西雅图养大了两个女儿，比尔患有严重的心脏病，但两人依然相互扶持，不离不弃。他们每天早上一起游泳，玛琳晚上睡不着的时候，比尔就给她念童话故事，帮她安睡。
Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')
他们说，妥协和让步帮助他们度过婚姻中的起起伏伏。75岁的比尔说，他做出的妥协是结婚不久后就从空军退役，因为玛琳受不了他长时间不在家的日子。（在我的逼问下，他又说了一样东西：“日本酱汤”。）
Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)
74岁的玛琳说，她做出的妥协是同意退休后到亚利桑那州生活，因为她丈夫喜欢那里的气候。（她自己希望继续住在西雅图，离女儿们近一点。）
'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'
“如果每人都能让步75%，两个人就有150%的灵活空间。” 玛琳说道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人会说这是怕老婆的表现，但我不这么看。向妻子妥协，是因为对我而言，她是这世上最重要的。”
Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.
与此相似，简•康科尔(Jan Konkel)和兰恩•康科尔(Len Konkel)已经结婚62年。他们很久以前就彼此说好，永远不为小事而争吵，这让他们在如何养育自己三个孩子等方面少了很多争吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量着解决。”84岁的简说道。
Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.
88岁的兰恩也同意妻子的说法：“我们有商有量的，我经常说‘好的、老婆’，也经常说‘不好、老婆’。”
婚姻幸福的人相信，他们找到了自己的灵魂伴侣，而且他们有充分的理由在一起。不过，即使找对了人，革命也尚未成功。问问这些快乐的夫妻，他们告诉你成功的婚姻还需要双方的努力和一点点运气。没人会说婚姻的每一天、甚至每一年都像玫瑰一样美好。有不少婚姻虽然长久，但并不快乐。不过，婚姻幸福的夫妻还是给出了一些成功的秘诀。
1. 找到折衷点。“Find the middle ground. '
It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.
婚姻就得互相迁就。” 亚利桑那州图桑市(Tucson)一位退休的医院院长玛琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)说。1959年，她经人介绍认识了自己未来的丈夫比尔(Bill)。比尔带了一水壶的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，两个月后两人就结为伉俪。
Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.
一转眼，50年过去了。克里奇夫妇在西雅图养大了两个女儿，比尔患有严重的心脏病，但两人依然相互扶持，不离不弃。他们每天早上一起游泳，玛琳晚上睡不着的时候，比尔就给她念童话故事，帮她安睡。
Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')
他们说，妥协和让步帮助他们度过婚姻中的起起伏伏。75岁的比尔说，他做出的妥协是结婚不久后就从空军退役，因为玛琳受不了他长时间不在家的日子。（在我的逼问下，他又说了一样东西：“日本酱汤”。）
Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)
74岁的玛琳说，她做出的妥协是同意退休后到亚利桑那州生活，因为她丈夫喜欢那里的气候。（她自己希望继续住在西雅图，离女儿们近一点。）
'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'
“如果每人都能让步75%，两个人就有150%的灵活空间。” 玛琳说道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人会说这是怕老婆的表现，但我不这么看。向妻子妥协，是因为对我而言，她是这世上最重要的。”
Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.
与此相似，简•康科尔(Jan Konkel)和兰恩•康科尔(Len Konkel)已经结婚62年。他们很久以前就彼此说好，永远不为小事而争吵，这让他们在如何养育自己三个孩子等方面少了很多争吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量着解决。”84岁的简说道。
Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.
88岁的兰恩也同意妻子的说法：“我们有商有量的，我经常说‘好的、老婆’，也经常说‘不好、老婆’。”
