Of Dogs and Men 人狗之间
Of Dogs and Men 人狗之间
◎ Charles Krauthammer
Chester was my window on the mysterious bond between canines and humans.
切斯特是我观察狗狗与人类关系纽带的窗户。
The way I see it dogs had this big meeting. Oh maybe 20 000 years ago. A huge meeting—an international convention with delegates from everywhere. And that’s when they decided that humans were the up and coming species and dogs were going to throw their lot in with them. The decision was obviously not unanimous. The wolves and dingoes walked out in protest.
我想，大概是2万年前狗狗们组织开了这个大会。这次会议十分盛大，聚集了来自各地的代表。在会议中它们确定了会议宗旨：人是上进的物种，所以狗要与人类共存亡。显而易见，对这个决定意见未能达成一致。为表示抗议，狼和野狗愤然离会。
Cats had an even more negative reaction. When they heard the news they called their own meeting—in Paris of course—to denounce canine subservience to the human hyper power. Their manifesto—La Condition F¨éline—can still be found in provincial bookstores.
猫的反应更消极。当听到这个消息后，立刻在巴黎召开了本族会议，痛斥狗屈服于人类强权的懦弱行径。（它们发表的声明《猫的状况》至今仍然可以在省会书店里找到。）
Cats, it must be said, have not done badly. Using guile and seduction they managed to get humans to feed them thus preserving their superciliousness without going hungry. A neat trick. Dogs being guileless signed and delivered. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
我们可以看到，猫这个动作很漂亮。它们成功地引诱和欺骗人类继续喂养它们，如此一来，既不挨饿又保持了它们的傲慢。真是漂亮的一仗。而这些厚道的狗狗签署并发表了声明。从此建立了人与狗的一段美好友谊。
I must admit that I’ve been slow to warm to dogs. I grew up in a non-pet friendly home. Dogs do not figure prominently in Jewish immigrant households. My father was not very high on pets. He wasn’t hostile. He just saw them as superfluous an encumbrance. When the Cossacks are chasing you around Europe you need to travel light. This by the way is why Europe produced far more Jewish violinists than pianists. Try packing a piano.
我承认我对狗比较慢热。我生长在一个对宠物有免疫的家庭里。狗在犹太移民的家庭里并不受重视。父亲不太喜欢宠物，当然他也不厌恶，但却认为宠物是多余的累赘。在哥萨克人追着你满欧洲跑的时候，要记住必须轻装上路。（顺便提一句，这也是为什么在欧洲犹太人中小提琴家多于钢琴家，不信你就打包一架钢琴试试。）
My parents did allow a hint of zoological indulgence. I had a pet turtle. My brother had a parakeet. Both came to unfortunate ends. My turtle fell behind a radiator and was not discovered until too late. And the parakeet God bless him flew out a window once never to be seen again. After such displays of stewardship we dared not ask for a dog.
我父母曾让我们养过宠物。我的是一只龟，弟弟的是一只长尾鹦鹉。但都以不幸的结局而告终。我的龟掉到一个散热器的后面，待发现却为时已晚。而弟弟的鹦鹉，在一次飞出窗外后就再也没回来。经过了这么段糟糕的宠物管理经历，我们就不敢提养狗的事儿了。
My introduction to the wonder of dogs came from my wife Robyn. She’s Australian. And Australia as lovingly recounted in Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country has the craziest wildest deadliest meanest animals on the planet. In a place where every spider and squid can take you down faster than a sucker punched boxer you cherish niceness in the animal kingdom. And they don’t come nicer than dogs.
我的妻子罗宾让我了解到狗狗独特的一面。她是澳大利亚人。正如比尔·布赖森在《太阳烧焦的乡村》中热情洋溢的颂歌所描述的，澳大利亚拥有这个星球上最狂野、最凶悍、最丑陋的动物。在这里，一只蜘蛛，一条乌贼的凶悍度可以超过一个老道的拳击手，能又快又狠地击中你，在这里，你找不到友好二字。而它们并不比狗强到哪里去。
Robyn started us off slowly. She got us a Border collie Hugo when our son was about 6. She knew that would appeal to me because the Border collie is the smartest species on the planet. Hugo could play outfield in our backyard baseball games do flawless front door sentry duty and play psychic weathermen announcing with a wail every coming thunderstorm.
罗宾让我们学着慢慢接触狗狗。在我们的儿子6岁的时候，她买了一条博德牧羊犬，我们后来给它起名为雨果。她知道我一定会喜欢他，因为博德牧羊犬是这个星球上最有灵气的狗类。首先，雨果能在我们打棒球时在院子外帮忙打外场，其次，它是无可挑剔的称职门卫，最后，是雷雨天气来临的天气预报员——每当这种天气它都会摇动尾巴。
When our son Daniel turned he wanted a dog of his own. I was against it using arguments borrowed from seminars on nuclear nonproliferation. It was hopeless. One giant “Please Dad” and I caved completely. Robyn went out to Winchester Virginia found a litter of black Labs and brought home Chester.
当儿子丹尼尔10岁的时候，他就要求养自己的狗。我表示反对，并借用了在防核扩散研讨会上的论点。但仍然，我失败了。一句“求求你了，爸爸。”让我马上败下阵来。罗宾最终去了弗吉尼亚的温切斯特，带回了一只黑色的拉布拉多小狗。就这样，切斯特成了我们家一员。
Chester is what psychiatrists mean when they talk about unconditional love. Unbridled is more like it. Come into our house and he was so happy to see you he would knock you over. Deliverymen learned to leave things at the front door.
切斯特让我真正明白了精神病学家口中常说的无条件的爱。更确切地说，应该是毫无顾忌。见着人走进家门，它就会马上过去把你推倒以表示欢迎。以至于来送货的人最后都把东西放在我们家的门口了。
In some respects—Ph.D. potential for example—I don’t make any great claims for Chester. When I would arrive home I fully expected to find Hugo reading the newspaper. Not Chester. Chester would try to make his way through a narrow sliding door find himself stuck halfway and then look at me with total and quite genuine puzzlement. I don’t think he ever got to understand that the rear part of him was actually attached to the front.
我对切斯特在某些方面并不抱什么太大的奢望，譬如培养它拿博士狗狗学位的潜力。每当我回家，我真的很希望它在看报纸。但不会，它通常会尝试着挤进一个很窄的拉门，然后半身被卡在里面，然后它还会出奇平静地看着我，尽管满脸疑惑。我想它从未意识到它的身体和脑子是一个整体的事实。
But it was Chester who dispensed affection as unreflectively as he breathed who got me thinking about this long ago pact between humans and dogs. Cat lovers and the pet averse will just roll their eyes at such dogophilia. I can’t help it. Chester was always at your foot or your hand waiting to be petted and stroked played with and talked to. His beautiful blocky head his wonderful overgrown puppy’s body his baritone bark filled every corner of house and heart.
切斯特对人毫不犹豫地施爱，就像呼吸一样，一切是那么自然。这让我不禁想起了人类与狗很久以前就订立的契约。爱猫者和反宠物主义者对这种亲狗症非常不屑一顾。但我却早已不能自制。因为切斯特总是蜷缩在你脚下，或者挨着你的手，等待你给予抚慰或与它说话。它那漂亮毛发斑驳的脑袋，那可爱的身段，以及它那男中音式的犬吠充斥整个房屋，温暖着我们的心窝。
Then last month at the tender age of he died quite suddenly. The long slobbering slothful decline we had been looking forward to was not to be. When told the news a young friend who was a regular victim of Chester’s lunging lovebombs said mournfully “He was the sweetest creature I ever saw. He’s the only dog I ever saw kiss a cat.”
就在上个月，它去世了，只有8岁。完全不是我们曾经预想的那样，流着口水残喘着死去。当我把这个消息告诉切斯特一个非常好的朋友时，他十分悲伤，并满心怀念地说：“它是我见过的最可爱的动物，也是唯一一只吻过猫的狗。”
