如何处理你生活中的成人欺凌
如何处理你生活中的成人欺凌
Most of us behave like a jerk at times. The stresses of today's fast-paced society combined with a national epidemic of sleep deprivation can turn anyone temporarily out of control.
我们大多数人有时表现得像个混蛋。当今快节奏社会的压力，再加上全国普遍睡眠不足，可能会让任何人暂时失控。
That's ok if it's not a habit, experts say. It's frequent boorish behavior that can become contagious.
专家说，如果这不是一种习惯，那也没关系。频繁的粗野行为可能会传染。
"Bad behavior is actually more contagious than good behavior," said Robert Sutton, author of "The A--hole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt."
“不良行为实际上比良好行为更具传染性，”罗伯特·萨顿说，他是“生存指南:如何与视你如粪土的人打交道。”的作者。
"So if you walk into a situation where there's a bunch of disrespect, it's hard not to catch that behavior," said Sutton, a professor of management science at the Stanford University School of Engineering.
斯坦福大学工程学院管理科学教授萨顿表示:“因此，如果你遇到一群无礼的人，你很难不发现他们的这种行为。”
What does define a person as a true bully, Sutton says, is if they regularly make you feel "oppressed, humiliated, de-energized or belittled."
萨顿说，如果一个人经常让你感到“压抑、羞辱、缺乏活力或被轻视”，那么他就被定义为真正的欺凌者。
The brutish actions that often lead to those feelings, Sutton said, include personal insults, teasing jokes, threats, public shaming, rude interruptions, invasion of personal space or uninvited personal contact.
萨顿说，经常导致这些情绪的野蛮行为通常包括人身侮辱、开玩笑、威胁、公开羞辱、粗鲁的打断、侵犯个人空间或未经邀请的私人接触。
Types of bullies
欺凌类型
Preston Ni, the author of "How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People" and a communications professor at Foothill College outside San Francisco, has identified five types of adult bullies who use different techniques to inflict harm.
《如何有效沟通和处理难缠的人》一书的作者、旧金山郊外弗劳特尔学院的传播学教授普雷斯顿·尼确定了五种使用不同技巧造成伤害的成年欺凌者。
Tangible/material bully
有形欺凌者
These bullies use their power, such as being a boss or executive at a company, or material power, such as having legal authority or control over finances, to intimidate others.
这些欺凌者利用他们的权力，如公司的老板或高管，或物质权力，如拥有法律权威或能控制财务，来恐吓他人。
Verbal bully
口头欺凌
This type of bully shames and insults with words, often expressing criticism or using hostile teasing, Ni explained. Sometimes can be sexist, racist or homophobic, and can be threatening.
尼解释说，这类欺凌者会用言语来羞辱和侮辱他人，经常表达批评或带有敌意的戏弄。有时可能是性别歧视，种族主义或同性恋恐惧症，并可能具有威胁性。
Passive-aggressive bully
被动攻击性欺凌者
It might not sound like bullying, said Ni, but in some ways, this method is the most cunning. This type of jerk behaves nicely on the surface, but stings subtly.
尼说，这听起来可能不像欺凌，但从某种程度上来说，这种方法是最狡猾的。这种类型的混蛋在表面上表现得很好，却刺痛人于无形。
Cyber bully
网络欺凌
A huge problem today, cyberbullying can have lethal consequences for the young and vulnerable. Even mature and emotionally stable adults can be victims of harassing texts, emails and social media. Identity theft is another way of cyberbullying, Ni says.
如今，网络欺凌是一个巨大的问题，它会给年轻人和弱势群体带来致命的后果。即使是成熟和情绪稳定的成年人也可能成为骚扰短信、电子邮件和社交媒体的受害者。尼说，身份盗窃是网络欺凌的另一种方式。
Physical bully
身体欺凌
This can range from raising a fist as if to strike, to throwing objects, to violent acts of physical, sexual and domestic abuse.
这包括从举起拳头好像要攻击，到投掷物体，再到身体、性和家庭虐待的暴力行为。
How to survive an adult bully
如何在成人欺凌中幸存下来
Flip your point of view
改变你的观点
"I think one of the smartest keys to learning how to deal with bullies is especially if this is somebody who you interact with on a more or less regular basis, is to consider this person's background," Ni said. "And if you know the person came from a traumatic family environment, showing some empathy and understanding in no way excuses the bullying behavior, but it reduces the intimidation factor."
尼说:“我认为应对欺凌的最聪明的方法之一就是考虑这个人的背景，尤其是如果这个人是你经常打交道的人。”“如果你知道这个人受到家庭环境的创伤，表现出一些同理心和理解并不能为欺凌行为开脱，但它能减少恐吓因素。”
Pick your battles
选择你的战斗
Deciding on how to react depends a lot on the frequency and severity of the bullying behavior. If the behavior is not excessive or harmful and you only see the bully on occasion at work, or the obnoxious relative once a year at family reunions, then Ni suggests keeping your distance. As soon as you're done with the task at hand, disengage and stay out of that person's line of sight.
决定如何对欺凌行为作出反应在很大程度上取决于欺凌行为的频率和严重程度。如果这种行为并不过分或有害，而且你只是偶尔在工作中遇到欺凌者，或者在家庭团聚时看到令人讨厌的亲戚，那么尼建议你保持距离。一旦你完成手头的任务，就远离那个人的视线。
