人生不设限·不要老想着“如果……怎么办”

我有个朋友，她小时候父母就离婚了。她的父母一天到晚吵个不停，即使分手了还是一样。如今，我的朋友已经长大成人，但她很害怕婚姻。“我不想搞成像我父母那样。”她说。

I have a friend whose parents divorced when she was young. Her mum and dad fought all the time, even after they broke up. Now she is a grown woman, but she is afraid to get married. "I don't want to end up like my parents," she says.

无法拥有一段长久的关系，只是因为担心没有好结果?居然有这种事!这就是病态的恐惧了。你不能一想到婚姻就想到离婚，请记住丁尼生的诗句：“爱过而失去，胜于从未爱过。”

Can you imagine never having a lasting relationship because you are afraid it might not work out? That's a sick fear! You can't think of marriage as nothing but the first step to divorce. Remember the Tennyson poem " 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"?

你如果一直担心不知何时、何地会发生什么事，以至于瘫在那儿什么也不敢做，就不可能拥有快乐而满足的人生。假如因为担心被雷打到或被疟蚊叮咬，大家就整天躺在床上，那这个世界就太可悲了，不是吗?

You can't possibly have an enjoyable and fulfilling life if you are paralyzed by fear of what might happen someday, somewhere, maybe, somehow. If we all stayed in our beds every day because we were afraid of being struck by lightning or bitten by a malaria mosquito, it would be a pretty sad world, wouldn't it?

许多恐惧成性的人满脑子想的都是“如果……怎么办”，其实他们应该说的是“为什么不……”

So many fearful people focus on the What if when they should be saying Why not?

如果我不够好怎么办?

● What if I'm not good enough?

如果他们嘲笑我怎么办?

● What if they laugh at me?

如果我被拒绝了怎么办?

● What if I'm turned down?

如果我的成功无法持续下去怎么办?

● What if I can't keep up with my successes?

我了解这种想法。在成长过程中，我必须应付几种主要的恐惧——害怕被拒绝、害怕无法胜任、害怕要依赖他人。我的身体少了标准配备，这件事并不只是我的想象，然而父母常常提醒我，不要一直注意我所缺少的，而是要把焦点放在我所拥有，以及我能创造的事物上——只要我敢跟随我的想象力。

I understand that sort of thinking. Growing up I had to deal with major fears—the fear of rejection, the fear of inadequacy, the fear of being dependent. It wasn't just my imagination: my body lacked the standard equipment. But my parents told me that I should always focus not on what was missing but on what I had and what I could create if I only dared to follow my imagination.

“要做大梦，力克，而且永远不要让恐惧阻碍你朝着梦想前进。”他们说，“你不能让恐惧支配你的未来。选择你要的人生，然后全力以赴。”

"Dream big, Nicky, and never let fear keep you from working toward your dreams," they said. "You can't let fear dictate your future. Choose the life you want and go for it."

到目前为止，我已经到二十多个国家演讲过，在体育馆、竞技场、学校、教会和监狱传播希望与信心的信息。如果不是父母鼓励我承认并超越自己的恐惧，我不可能做到这些。

So far, I've spoken to diverse audiences in more than nineteen countries around the globe. I've taken my message of hope and faith to vast crowds in stadiums, arenas, schools, churches, and prisons. I never could have done that if my parents had not encouraged me to acknowledge my fears and then push past them.