人生不设限·我最爱眼神接触

MAKING CONNECTIONS

小时候，妈妈常带我去逛街，或者去其他公共场所。当她去忙自己的事情时，我就坐在轮椅上看着人来人往，观察每个人的脸，一待就是几小时。当人们经过我身旁时，我会研究他们，试着猜测他们靠什么为生，个性怎么样。当然了，我不知道自己的直觉对不对，但我在研究肢体语言、面部表情和读人术等等方面的确变得很认真。

When I was a boy, my mum often took me shopping or to other public places, and while she went about her business, I'd spend hours observing faces in the crowd from my wheelchair. I'd study them as they passed by and try to guess what they did for a living and what their personalities were like. Of course, I never knew whether my instant profiles were correct, but I did become a serious student of body language, facial expressions, and reading people in general.

当时那只是我下意识的行为，但是回过头看，我才发现那时自己正出于本能地发展重要技巧。因为我没有手可以保护自己，也没有腿可以逃跑，所以快速评估某个人值不值得信任这件事对我非常重要。这不是说我常常担心自己受到攻击，但我的确比大多数人容易受伤害，所以变得对人的敏锐度比较高一些。

This was mostly a subconscious process, but when I look back and reflect, I realize I was instinctively developing some very important skills. Since I lack the arms to defend myself, or the legs to run, it was important for me to quickly assess whether I could trust someone or not. It's not that I consciously worried about being attacked, but I was more vulnerable than most, and so I became more "people aware" than most.

我对周遭人的心情、情绪和声音很敏感。听起来可能有点奇怪，但我的“天线”接收能力精细到如果有人把手放在我轮椅的扶手上，就好像跟我握手一样，我会奇妙地感受到跟对方有实质上的联结，仿佛我们真的握住了彼此的手。每当家人或朋友把手放上我的轮椅，我就会感受到这份温暖与接纳。

I'm sensitive to the moods, emotions, and sounds of those around me. This may sound a little strange, but my antennae are so finely tuned that when someone puts a hand on my wheelchair armrest, it's almost like we are holding hands. I get this weird feeling that a physical connection has been made, just as if we were shaking or holding hands. Whenever my friends or family members put their hands on my chair, I feel this warmth and acceptance.

我缺少四肢这件事影响到我演讲时跟人互动的方式。我没有多数演讲者的烦恼之一——手不知道要放哪里。我把重点放在通过脸部表情沟通，尤其是眼睛，而不是双手。我无法凭借手势强调重点或传达情绪，而是利用眼睛宽度和脸部表情的变化来传达情感，并吸引听众的注意。

My lack of limbs has affected the way I relate to people as a professional speaker. I don't have to worry about one of the primary concerns of most speakers—what to do with my hands. I've worked on communicating with my facial expressions, and especially my eyes, rather than my hands. I can't make gestures to emphasize points or convey emotion. I worked at varying the width of my eyes and changing my facial expressions to convey emotions, and to hold the attention of my audiences.

妹妹蜜雪儿最近逗我说：“力克，你真的很喜欢眼神接触呢。当你跟某个人说话时，你会深深地望进他的眼睛里，就是这样。”

My sister recently teased me: "Nick, you really do love eye contact. When you speak to someone, you look into their eyes with this intensity. That's the only way I can describe it."

知我者蜜雪儿也。我之所以喜欢眼神接触，喜欢深深地看进人们的眼里，是因为眼睛是灵魂之窗。我欣赏人们的美，而我常常在人的双眼里发现它。我们都可能看见别人不好或不完美之处，但我选择去看他们内在的黄金。

Michelle knows me well. I look into the eyes of other people because they are windows to the soul. I love eye contact. I admire the beauty of people, and I find it, often, in their eyes. We can all find something bad or imperfect in others, but I choose to look at the gold within them.

“这也是你让对话保持真实且诚恳的方式，”我的小妹说，“从你跟我朋友的谈话中就可以看得出来。你直接深入对方的内在，捕捉他们的注意力，因此他们会吸收你说的每个字。”

"It's also your way of keeping the conversation real and sincere," my little sister said. "I can see it when you talk to my friends. You get straight to the core of the person, and you capture their attention so that they soak up every word you tell them."

我学会通过看进对方眼里，以及凭借问问题或发表意见，找出彼此的共同点，来快速进入状况。在背痛限制我的拥抱能力之前，我最喜欢的破冰方式是跟人家说：“来，给我个拥抱吧!”

I've learned to engage quickly by looking into the eyes of the people I meet and asking questions or making comments to find a common ground. Before back pains limited my huggability, one of my favorite ice breakers was to say, "Come and give me a hug."

我希望借此邀请人们靠近我、接触我，让他们跟我相处起来更自在。去接触人、与之联结、找到共通点，这些是每个人都该掌握的人际关系技巧，因为这些技巧决定了我们跟周遭人的互动可以有多好。

By inviting people to come close and make contact, I hoped to make them feel comfortable with me. Reaching out to others, bonding with them, finding a common ground are relationship skills that everyone should master. They determine how well we interact with those around us.