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双语译林·小妇人 第三十八章 束之高阁 ON THE SHELF

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2022年05月05日

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第三十八章 束之高阁

在法国,年轻的姑娘们日子过得很无聊,所以一旦结了婚,“自由万岁”才成为座右铭。在美国,众所周知,姑娘们很早就签署了独立宣言,怀着共和党人的热情去享受自己的自由。但年轻的少妇通常跟着太子出世就放弃了王位,然后,就像进了法国的修道院一样,过着幽居生活,当然,其实还谈不上清静。不管她们愿意与否,结婚的喜庆气氛一过去,她们实际上便被束之高阁了。不过,她们当中大部分人不以为然,就像前几天一位美貌妇人所宣称的:“我现在依然漂亮,可嫁了人,就没有人理睬我了。”

美格没有长得那么超凡出众,打扮也不入时,所以,直到孩子们一周岁时,才经历这种精神折磨。因为,在她的生活小天地里,民风淳朴,她觉得比以往更受钦佩和爱戴。

她是一位真正的小妇人,天生的母爱意识在她身上尤其强烈。她成天都在一心一意地为孩子们操心,两耳不闻窗外事,两眼不瞧他人颜。无论白天,还是夜晚,她都无微不至地照顾孩子,可谓牵肠挂肚,兢兢业业,忘记了疲累。所以,她听任保姆去摆布约翰,这位爱尔兰妇女现在是厨房部主事了。约翰是恋家的男人,已经习惯了妻子的关爱,如今绝对想念这种照顾,但是,他对孩子非常宠爱,一度十分乐意地放弃自己的舒适,糊涂地认为不久一切都会恢复宁静的。然而,三个月过去了,安宁并没有复得。因为,美格看上去很憔悴,神情不安,那两个孩子每时每刻都在缠着她,耗费她的时间。这样一来,不少家务活就耽搁了。再说,厨师基蒂干活总是随随便便,结果,约翰经常食不果腹。早晨,约翰出门时,那位身陷家务活的老婆就爱给他派一些小差使,让他感到很迷惑。夜晚,每当他开心地回到家,渴望搂抱一下老婆孩子时,总是碰钉子。“嘘,他们烦人一整天啦,刚刚睡着啊。”如果他想在家开心地娱乐一下,则会听见这句话:“不行,会吵醒孩子的。”如果他暗示去听讲座,或者听音乐会,看到的总是一张责怪的面孔,然后,听到一句斩钉截铁的话:“想扔下孩子去寻欢作乐,办不到!”孩子的夜哭经常把约翰从睡梦中惊醒。有时候,他会在深更半夜,迷糊地看见一个静悄悄地来回走动的怪影。每当楼上的鸟巢发出轻微的唧唧喳喳叫声,操持家政的家伙便会说跑就跑出去,扔下他不闻不问,所以,饭菜吃了一半就丢下了。晚上,他看报时,戴米的肚子痛进入了船期消息,戴茜跌跤会影响股票价格,因为,布鲁克太太只关心家庭新闻。

可怜的约翰活得很不舒坦,因为,孩子夺走了他的妻子,家庭仅仅是一个托儿所。每当他走进孩儿国的神圣领地,不绝于耳的“嘘嘘声”便使他觉得自己简直成了破门而入的蛮横外人。半年来,他都十分耐心地逆来顺受。可是,并没有出现任何修正的迹象。于是,他便像其他父亲流浪者那样——企图去外面寻找一点点安逸。斯科特结婚了,就在不远处安了家,于是,夜晚,当自家的客厅空无一人时,约翰经常跑过去玩一两个小时,妻子唱起摇篮曲来,可真是没完没了。而斯科特太太则长得可爱动人,家务不多,脾气温顺,是一位贤妻良母。她家的客厅总是窗明几净,棋盘随时都可以拿来下棋,钢琴调音很准。另外,客人们总是谈天说地,海阔天空,心旷神怡,而且,她家的晚餐精美,诱人胃口。

如果不是感到在家孤独难忍,约翰一定会守着自家的火炉,可惜,他谢天谢地地退而求其次了,邻居家成了他赏心悦目的地方。

起初,美格倒很赞成丈夫新近的串门活动,得知约翰在那儿能够愉快地打发时间,她十分宽慰,否则,他不是在自家的客厅打盹儿,就是步履沉重地在屋里踱步,把孩子吵醒。斗转星移,出牙期的操心事后来都过去了,宠儿们都会按时去睡觉了,妈妈的休闲时间多了,便开始惦念起约翰。她觉得,如果没有约翰穿着旧晨衣,在她对面坐镇,靠着火炉的围栏安逸地烘烤他那双便鞋,自己一个人陪伴针线筐就太乏味了。她不会开口要求约翰待在家里,但不告诉他,他也就不知道老婆需要他,所以她感到受伤,而她已经彻底忘记,有过无数个夜晚,他曾经徒劳地等待自己。美格由于整日牵挂家庭,心事重重,这时,已经变得神惶心疲了。再好的家庭主妇每当承受到家务事的压力,也会心境扭曲,不讲理。另外,这些人身体缺乏锻炼,整天郁郁寡欢。她们过度崇拜那个美国妇女的偶像,就爱围着茶壶转,一个个难免觉得自己不太精神,没力气。

“是啊,我又老又丑,约翰对我早已不感兴趣了,所以,他会抛下人老珠黄的妻子,去见那位无子女拖累的靓邻居。”美格经常盯着镜子说道,“不过,孩子们喜欢我。他们可不在乎我身体瘦弱,脸色苍白,没工夫烫发的呢。他们是我的慰藉,约翰迟早会明白我欣然为他们做出的牺牲,对吗,宝贝?”

对于这种伤感的表白,戴茜发出“咕咕”,戴米发出“喔喔”作答,美格于是把悲哀放在一边,来一下母爱的宣泄。这暂时安抚了她孤独的心情。但是,约翰后来竟然痴迷政治,总爱跑去和斯科特谈关心的问题,一点都不知道美格对他的惦记。这增加了她的痛苦。然而,美格一声不响,直到有一天,母亲看见她在抹泪,便一个劲儿地刨根问底,女儿的低落情绪是逃不过她的眼睛的。

“妈妈,除了你之外,我不会告诉人的。如果约翰再一意孤行,我和守寡没什么两样,我很需要指教。”布鲁克太太一边回答,一边伤心地用戴茜的围裙擦拭眼泪。

“乖乖,怎样一意孤行的?”母亲焦虑地问道。

“他整日外出不归啊,晚上我想见他时,他一直去斯科特家。我干的是最累的活,却没有任何欢乐,太不公平了。男人最自私自利了,连最好的也不例外。”

“女人也是如此啊。别责怪约翰了,先看看自己哪儿错了。”

“但他冷落我,怎么说也不对。”

“难道你没有冷落他?”

“哎,妈妈,我想你会站在我一边的!”

“就同情而言,没错。但是,我认为过错在于你,美格。”

“我不明白。”

“让我告诉你吧。当初你在夜晚他唯一的休息时间总是陪伴他的时候,约翰像你说的那样冷落过你吗?”

“没有,可现在我做不到,得照看两个孩子。”

“我想,你是做得到的,乖乖,而且应该做到。我能够随便说吗?你会记得是妈妈既同情你,又责怪你吗?”

“当然啦!给我说吧,就把我当作当年的小美格吧。自从两个孩子样样事都要找我照料,我就经常觉得,自己更加需要有人指教了。”

美格把矮脚椅子拖到母亲的身边。母女俩每人膝上抱着一个小捣蛋,一边不停地摇晃着,一边促膝谈心,感到做母亲的纽带让她们更加打成一片。

“你只是犯了多数年轻妻子犯过的错误——在关爱自己的孩子时,忘记了对于丈夫的责任。美格,这是一个很容易犯的错误,但也很容易得到原谅。但是,最好及时加以改正,免得分道扬镳成为习惯。孩子应该把你俩拉得更近,而不是离间你们,仿佛他们只属于你,而约翰除了抚养他们之外,一点儿都不相干。几个礼拜来,我都看得一清二楚,只不过没有吭声罢了。我肯定,这件事总会解决的。”

“恐怕不行啊。如果我请他待在家里,他会以为我嫉妒。我可没有想过用这样的念头侮辱他。他一直不知道我需要他待在家,我也不知道该怎样不用言语去让他明白。”

“把家搞得快乐一点,他就不会往外走了,乖乖。他也是渴望小家庭的,但没有你不成其为家了。可是,你总是待在育儿室。”

“不该在那儿吗?”

“不用一直在那儿。禁闭过长,会使你精神紧张,结果干样样事情都不合适。再说,你既欠孩子们东西,也欠约翰的。可别重孩轻夫啊。别把丈夫排斥在育儿室之外,应该教会他帮点儿事情。他跟你一样,在那里都有位置,孩子们需要他;要让他觉得有事可做,他会高高兴兴、勤勤恳恳地去做。这样,就会皆大欢喜的。”

“妈妈,你果真这样想的吗?”

“美格,我是很清楚的,我是过来人。没有亲身体会证明可行,我很少对别人提建议。你和乔小的时候,我就像你现在这样,总觉得好像不全身心都扑在你们身上,就是不尽职。我谢绝了所有帮助,可怜的父亲便只管自己看书,都让我一个人试验。我竭尽全力挣扎着,但乔让我受不了了。我对她娇生惯养,差一点儿惯坏了。你身体不好,我很焦急,急得连自己都病了。后来,父亲来帮忙了,一声不吭地张罗所有的事情,帮助可大了。于是我看见了自己的过错,从此生活就少不了他了。这就是我们家庭幸福的奥秘啊。父亲从不由于生意而推托涉及大家的些许家务职责,而我总是尽力不让家庭烦恼破坏自己对于你父亲职业的兴趣。许多事情上,我们各自去尽职,但回到家之后,总是分担家务。”

“妈妈,确实如此。我最大的愿望,就是在丈夫和孩子眼里成为像你那样的贤妻良母。告诉我怎么办吧。你怎么说,我就怎么做。”

“你一直是乖女儿。唉,乖乖,我要是你呀,就让约翰更多地参加照看戴米,男孩需要训练,无论何时开始,都不会过早。接着,我要去做自己常常提议的事情,让汉娜来帮助你。她是一流的保姆,你可以把宝贝孩子托付给她,自己去干更多的家务活。你需要锻炼了,汉娜会乐于做剩下的事情。这样,约翰便会再次找到自己的妻子。你要到外面去多走动走动,要忙得心情舒畅,因为,你可是家里的阳光啊。你心情阴沉,家里就不会有晴天。接着,尽量对约翰喜欢的一切都感兴趣——要和他谈心,让他读书给你听,要交流看法,以此来互相帮助。可不要因为你是女人而把自己封闭在纸板盒子里,要了解外面的世界,让自己积极参与进去,因为,这些事情都会影响你和你的家人啊。”

“约翰太聪明了。我担心,问他政治问题什么的,他会认为我十分愚蠢的。”

“我看他不会。爱可以遮盖众多的罪孽。除了他,你难道还可以尽情地去问谁?去试一试嘛,看他是觉得斯科特太太的晚餐好,还是你对他的陪伴更加温馨。”

“好吧。可怜的约翰啊!我担心自己把他冷落在一边,让他伤心透了。我还认为自己的做法对,他什么也没有说呀。”

“他尽可能不让自己显得自私自利,但想必已经觉得众叛亲离。美格,正是现在这个时候,小夫妻最容易疏远了,所以,现在夫妻俩最需要常待在一起。因为,新婚的柔情蜜意,不花精力去维护是容易淡漠的。小生命交给他们去训练的头几年,对于父母来说,没有任何时光能比这段时期更加美好,更加珍贵了。不要让约翰与孩子形同陌路,在这个充满考验和诱惑的世界里,要保证约翰一生平安。心情愉快,非他们莫属啊。通过他们,你们会学会而且应该也可以相知相爱。乖乖,我得说再见了,好好想一想妈妈的说教吧,觉得有道理,就照着去做吧。上帝保佑你们!”

美格仔细考虑了,觉得很有道理,于是,就去身体力行了,尽管一开始做得不完全如意。当然,孩子都在对她撒娇,发现蹬腿和哭叫会给他们带来想要的所有东西之后,便成了家里的主宰。妈妈在喜怒无常的孩子面前,成了可悲的奴隶,但爸爸可不是能够轻易就范的。有时候,对于吵吵闹闹的儿子,他会发一阵父亲的脾气,严厉管束,可是,心软的老婆就难受了。儿子戴米继承了父亲坚毅性格中的一点儿成分,当然,我们不称其为固执。每当这个小家伙认定一样东西,要做一件事时,即使花上九牛二虎之力,也无法改变那个坚持己见的小脑筋。妈妈认为,宝贝还太小,不应该教他学会克服恶习。但爸爸则认为,学会循规蹈矩越早越好。因此,戴米少爷很早就发现,每当跟“大大”较劲,总没有好果子吃。就像英国人一样,戴米尊重征服者,爱戴父亲。所以,父亲严厉的“不行”比妈妈的所有爱抚更深入孩子的心。

美格跟母亲谈话几天之后,决心试一个夜晚陪约翰。她安排了丰盛的晚饭,把客厅布置得井井有条,自己也穿戴得花枝招展。她很早就把孩子送到床上睡觉了。这样,不会有别的事情干扰自己的精心策划了。可惜戴米是难以俯首帖耳,最大的恶习就是不甘心去睡觉。那天夜里,他一心一意想闹个天翻地覆。于是,可怜的美格只好哼着歌谣,晃动小床,还得讲上一个故事,哄他睡觉。她使出了浑身解数,均以失败告终,戴米就是瞪着大眼。这时候,听话的戴茜早就睡熟了,胖乎乎的小东西一直很乖。可是,淘气的戴米却躺在床上,凝视着灯光,精神好得很,一副难以劝说入睡的模样。

“妈妈跑下去给劳累的爸爸倒茶,戴米好孩子,乖乖地躺着,好吗?”美格问道。只听过道门轻轻地合上,熟悉的脚步声,踮着脚走进了吃饭间。

“宝宝要吃茶!”戴米打算来凑热闹。

“不行,我会给你留糕糕当早餐,如果像戴茜那样瞌瞌。乖乖,好吗?”

“西(行)! ”说罢,戴米紧紧地闭上双眼,似乎在追赶睡眠,忙着去迎接盼望已久的白天。

美格赶紧利用这宝贵的机会,悄悄地跑下楼,满面春风地去问候丈夫。她头上的蓝色蝴蝶结是他最欣赏的。约翰一眼就看见了,惊喜地问道:“啊,小妈妈,咱们今晚多么开心。你有客人吗?”

“亲爱的,只有你啊。”

“是过生日、周年什么的?”

“不是,讨厌做邋遢鬼了,所以打扮了一番,换个花样。你在吃饭时,总是穿得干干净净,无论多么疲劳。所以,我有空时为什么不能也一样呢?”

“我穿得干净,是为了尊重你呀,亲爱的。”穿着过时的约翰说。

“彼此,彼此,布鲁克先生。”美格笑语应答,看上去又变得年轻而漂亮了。她一边朝约翰点头示意,一边给他倒茶水。

“嗯,真轻松愉快啊,又回到往日了。茶味道真好啊。亲爱的,祝你健康,喝了。”约翰安详神往地呷了一口。然而,好景不长。他刚放下茶杯,门把手便发出一阵神秘的咯吱声,接着,传来了儿子不耐烦的嗓音:

“卡(开)门,我要清(进)来!”

“又是这淘气的孩子。我告诉他一个人去睡觉的,现在,又下楼了,踏着帆布,要命的冷。”美格一边解释,一边应答。

“早上了。”戴米进了门,兴奋地说道。长睡衣优雅地搭在胳膊上,他在餐桌边奔跳着,卷曲的头发欢蹦乱跳。眼睛热切地盯着糕糕。

“不行,早晨还没有到。必须去睡觉,别给可怜的妈妈惹麻烦。这样,你可以尝到带糖的蛋糕了。”

“宝宝爱爸爸。”戴米机灵地答道。他正准备往父亲的膝上爬,违禁嬉闹一番,但约翰摇了摇头,对美格说了一句话。

“你叫他楼上待着单独睡觉,就得让他听话,否则,以后根本就不会顾忌你了。”

“是啊,没错。戴米,过来。”美格把儿子领走了,心里真想揍一顿这个扫兴的小家伙。但戴米在她身边又蹦又跳,还以为一到育儿室,就会分到贿赂。

戴米没有失望。妇人目光短浅,真的给了戴米一块方糖,然后,把他塞进被窝,吩咐天不亮,不准走动。

“西(行)! ”戴米假装发誓道,高兴地吮吸着方糖,认为自己旗开得胜。

美格回到座位,继续愉快地吃晚饭。这时,小鬼头又走出来了,大胆地要求道:“妈妈,还要糖。”这一下,可就暴露了母亲刚才的失职。

“这绝对不行。”约翰说道。面对可爱的小调皮,他没有心软。“这孩子只有知道去好好睡觉了,我们才会有安宁。你呀,当奴仆已经够久,该教训他一顿了,这样才会了结。把他按上床别理他,美格。”

“他不会待在楼上的。从来不那样,除非我坐在身边。”

“我来对付他。戴米,上楼睡觉去,听妈妈的话。”

“不嘛!”小家伙一边顶嘴,一边拿起令人垂涎的糕糕,大模大样地吃了一口。

“不准这样对爸爸讲话。你不走,就把你抱上楼。”

“走开,宝宝不喜欢爸爸。”戴米退到妈妈的裙子旁,寻找庇护。

但是,连那个庇护所也用不上了,他被移交给了敌人。一句“轻一点,约翰”令罪人闻风丧胆,一旦妈妈撒手不管,审判日就迫在眉睫了。可怜的戴米丢了蛋糕,谈笑间没了玩耍机会,被有力的手拖到了那张讨厌的床上。但戴米怒不可遏,居然公然反对约翰,上楼梯时,又踢又喊,大吵大闹。戴米刚被放在床上,便从一头滚到另一头,跳下床,向门口跑去,但很差劲,睡袍的下摆被抓住了,提溜回了床上。戴米就这样不停地折腾,直到小伙子筋疲力尽,于是便扯着嗓子号叫。戴米这样的发声练习,通常能够征服美格的心,但约翰坐在一边,就跟聋子似的不为所动。房间里,没有哄骗声,没有糖果吃,没有悦耳的摇篮曲,没有好听的故事,连灯都吹灭了。只有火炉里红色的火焰映衬出那“大黑黑”。对于“大黑黑”,戴米与其说感到害怕,倒不如说感到好奇。这种新秩序让他感到很不高兴,于是,他沮丧地大声叫喊找“妈妈”。原来,愤慨情绪渐渐止息了,被俘的霸主又想起了温柔的女奴。狂喊大叫之后,适时的哀哭撕痛了美格的心。她连忙跑上楼,哀求道:

“让我陪他吧,他会听话的,约翰。”

“不行,亲爱的。我已经对他说过,睡觉去,听你的话。所以,他必须睡下去,哪怕我在这儿坐一夜。”

“可是,他会哭坏身体的。”美格继续哀求,怪自己扔下儿子不管。

“不行,哭不坏的。已经哭累了,很快就会睡着,那样事情就解决了。今后,他就会懂得必须听话了。别插手,我会对付他的。”

“他是我的孩子呀。可不能让粗暴摧残他的心灵。”

“他是我的孩子。我不能一味地宠他,把他的脾气惯坏。下楼吧,亲爱的,把孩子交给我。”

每当约翰专横地发表见解时,美格总是俯首帖耳,而且,从来不为自己的顺从态度感到遗憾。

“约翰,就让我跟他吻别,好吗?”

“当然可以。戴米,对妈妈说‘晚安’吧。让她去休息。照顾你一整天,她已经很累了。”

美格总是认为,亲吻是制胜的法宝,吻过戴米之后,哭泣声轻下去了。他静静地躺在床上。极度伤心时,他曾经在被窝里大肆踢腾。

“可怜的小家伙,总算哭累了,该睡着了。给他盖好被子,再去安抚美格。”约翰心想。他轻轻地走到床边,希望看到叛逆的后嗣已经入睡。

可是,戴米没有睡着。就在约翰瞅他一眼时,戴米睁开了眼睛,小下巴开始颤动。他伸出胳膊,打着嗝儿,以忏悔的声音说:“宝宝现在摆(乖)了。”

美格坐在门外的楼梯上,发现吵闹之后出现了很长一段时间的寂静,就纳闷了。她想象里面出了各种各样的离奇大事,便悄悄跑进门去看个究竟,以便放下提起的心。只见戴米已经酣睡,不像平常那种四脚朝天的样子了。他就范了,身子蜷成一团,躺在约翰的臂弯里,握着他的手指,似乎心里明白了恩威并施的意思。他已经伤心地睡着了,却又一下子长大成熟了。约翰手指被困,就像女人一样耐心等待,直到小手松开。这时,约翰自己也睡着了,与其说工作一天疲劳了,不如说与孩子较劲折腾累了。

美格见父子俩并排枕着枕头,暗自笑了,接着,悄悄转身走开,满意地说:“我不用担心约翰对待孩子过分粗暴的。他知道该怎么管教他们,这是个很大的帮助。戴米对我来说,确实是太累人了。”

后来,约翰走下楼梯,心想妻子一定满脸思虑,或者一脸不高兴。但是,他看见美格正在平心静气地给一顶出客帽缀边,而且,还要求他读读报上有关选举的新闻,假如他不是太累的话。约翰不禁惊喜交集。他立刻明白了,一定有什么革命性的事情在发生,但知趣没有打听。他知道美格是个直性子的人,不会保留秘密日后救命用,所以,很快就会露出端倪的。约翰满口答应,读了一大段有关辩论的消息,然后,尽量清楚地加以解释。美格则摆出一副饶有兴趣的样子,不时地提一些有意思的问题,让自己的思绪围绕国家大事,而非那顶帽子。其实,美格暗中断定,政治和数学一样让人作呕,政治家的使命似乎就是指名道姓地彼此谩骂攻击。不过,她仅仅将女人的这些心里话藏在心里。后来,约翰停顿时,她摇了摇头,说了一句自以为像外交辞令的含混语:“哦,真不知我们该怎么结束。”

约翰笑了,看了她一会儿。美格手上正在凝神比对漂亮的系带和花边,连约翰刚才高声朗读都未能唤起这样的真实兴趣。

“为了我,她开始喜欢政治了,我也得为了她而喜欢女帽,这样才公平。”想到这儿,公正的约翰又大声说,“真是太漂亮了。这就是你说过的早餐便帽吗?”

“亲爱的,这可是出客帽啊!它是我最好的了,适宜听音乐会,或者上剧院了。”

“对不起。这么小,自然会以为,有时候你戴的,就是这种一阵风便会吹跑的帽子呢。怎么戴上去不飞走的呢?

“这两根系带可以用玫瑰扣系在下巴底下,就像这样。”说完话,美格戴帽演示了一番,然后,就怡然自得地望着约翰,令人怦然心动。

“帽子真可爱,但我更喜欢戴帽的脸孔,看上去又青春焕发,无比开心了。”这时,约翰在美格的笑脸上使劲地吻了一下,下巴下面的玫瑰扣就倒霉了。

“你喜欢,我很高兴,我还想让你哪天晚上陪我去听新音乐会呢。我很需要听听音乐,调整一下情绪。你愿意吗?”

“当然愿意。尽心奉陪,随你去任何地方。你很久没有出门了,所以,出去走走真是有说不完的好处。我特别喜欢这一套的。你是怎么想到这个的,孩子他妈?”

“嗯,前几日,我跟妈咪交谈过,告诉她我有多么紧张、焦躁,脾气不好。她说我需要调节一下,不要太操心。所以,汉娜要来帮我看孩子。我可以更多地料理家务,不时还可以乐一下。这样,就可以避免心情不安,不会未老先衰。约翰,这仅仅是尝试一下罢了,这样做,可是为了你我二人啊。最近我冷落了你,感到很遗憾。我打算尽力让我们家恢复以往的气氛。希望你不会反对吧?”

我们不用在意约翰都说了些什么话,也不用管那顶女帽九死一生,差一点点没有彻底损坏。我们所应该知道的是,从屋里和家里人慢慢的好转来判断,约翰显然没有表示反对。当然,生活不是天堂。但是,合理的分工,可以对每个人有好处。孩子有了父亲的管束,茁壮成长起来。一丝不苟、坚定不移的约翰给孩子堆里带来了秩序和顺从,而美格进行了大量的健身锻炼,来一点玩乐,她还经常和精明的老公一起促膝谈心,终于恢复了精神,稳定了情绪。这时,他们家又像一个家了。约翰也不想出门了,除非带上美格。现在,反而是斯科特一家来布鲁克家串门了。邻居们都认为,约翰的小房子真是一个欢乐的地方,充满了愉快的气氛,丰衣足食,非常温馨。连快活的萨利·莫法特都愿意去他们家。“这儿总是那么宁静宜人。美格,这儿对我很有益处啊。”她经常这么赞叹,而且,眼神左顾右盼,总是流露出渴望的神情,似乎很想发现那个护身符,以便移植到自家的大屋子里。她觉得,家里装饰得富丽堂皇,反而显得冷冷清清,家里没有孩子的戏闹声,更没有孩子阳光灿烂的笑脸。内德生活在自己的圈子里,并没有为她留下空间。

这家人的快活家庭生活并不是一朝一夕获得的。约翰和美格终于找到了幸福之门的钥匙。婚后生活的岁月,都让他们明白使用这把幸福钥匙的神机妙法,所以,他们能够打开天伦之乐、互助互爱的宝藏。这个宝藏,再穷苦的人都有可能获得,但再富足也有钱难买。这就是年轻的妻子和母亲们同意被束在那种高阁的原因。她们可以安全地摆脱世间的躁动与狂热,在那些依恋她们的幼儿稚女身上找到忠诚的爱,无惧悲痛、贫困与老龄。她们和一个忠实的朋友携手并进,同甘共苦。丈夫,在那优秀的英国古语里,真正意思就是“管家”。她们就像美格那样,认识到妇人最幸福的王国是家庭,而其最高荣耀并非作为女王的统治术,而是作为贤妻良母的家政术。

CHAPTER 38 ON THE SHELF

IN FRANCE THE young girls have a dull time of it till they are married, when“Vive la liberté”becomes their motto. In America, as everyone knows, girls early sign the declaration of independence, and enjoy their freedom with republican zest, but the young matrons usually abdicate with the first heir to the throne and go into a seclusion almost as close as a French nunnery, though by no means as quiet. Whether they like it or not, they are virtually put upon the shelf as soon as the wedding excitement is over, and most of them might exclaim, as did a very pretty woman the other day, “I'm as handsome as ever, but no one takes any notice of me because I'm married.”

Not being a belle or even a fashionable lady, Meg did not experience this affliction till her babies were a year old, for in her little world primitive customs prevailed, and she found herself more admired and beloved than ever.

As she was a womanly little woman, the maternal instinct was very strong, and she was entirely absorbed in her children, to the utter exclusion of everything and everybody else. Day and night she brooded over them with tireless devotion and anxiety, leaving John to the tender mercies of the help, for an Irish lady now presided over the kitchen department. Being a domestic man, John decidedly missed the wifely attentions he had been accustomed to receive, but as he adored his babies, he cheerfully relinquished his comfort for a time, supposing with masculine ignorance that peace would soon be restored. But three months passed, and there was no return of repose. Meg looked worn and nervous, the babies absorbed every minute of her time, the house was neglected, and Kitty, the cook, who took life “aisy”, kept him on short commons. When he went out in the morning he was bewildered by small commissions for the captive mamma, if he came gaily in at night, eager to embrace his family, he was quenched by a “Hush! They are just asleep after worrying all day.” If he proposed a little amusement at home, “No, it would disturb the babies.” If he hinted at a lecture or a concert, he was answered with a reproachful look, and a decided “Leave my children for pleasure, never! ” His sleep was broken by infant wails and visions of a phantom figure pacing noiselessly to and fro in the watches of the night; his meals were interrupted by the frequent flight of the presiding genius, who deserted him, half-helped, if a muffled chirp sounded from the nest above; and when he read his paper of an evening, Demi's colic got into the shipping list and Daisy's fall affected the price of stocks, for Mrs. Brooke was only interested in domestic news.

The poor man was very uncomfortable, for the children had bereft him of his wife, home was merely a nursery and the perpetual “hushing” made him feel like a brutal intruder whenever he entered the sacred precincts of Babyland. He bore it very patiently for six months, and when no signs of amendment appeared, he did what other paternal exiles do—tried to get a little comfort elsewhere. Scott had married and gone to housekeeping not far off, and John fell into the way of running over for an hour or two of an evening, when his own parlor was empty, and his own wife singing lullabies that seemed to have no end. Mrs. Scott was a lively, pretty girl, with nothing to do but be agreeable, and she performed her mission most successfully. The parlor was always bright and attractive, the chessboard ready, the piano in tune, plenty of gay gossip, and a nice little supper set forth in tempting style.

John would have preferred his own fireside if it had not been so lonely, but as it was he gratefully took the next best thing and enjoyed his neighbor's society.

Meg rather approved of the new arrangement at first, and found it a relief to know that John was having a good time instead of dozing in the parlor, or tramping about the house and waking the children. But by-and-by, when the teething worry was over and the idols went to sleep at proper hours, leaving Mamma time to rest, she began to miss John, and find her workbasket dull company, when he was not sitting opposite in his old dressing gown, comfortably scorching his slippers on the fender. She would not ask him to stay at home, but felt injured because he did not know that she wanted him without being told, entirely forgetting the many evenings he had waited for her in vain. She was nervous and worn out with watching and worry, and in that unreasonable frame of mind which the best of mothers occasionally experience when domestic cares oppress them. Want of exercise robs them of cheerfulness, and too much devotion to that idol of American women, the teapot, makes them feel as if they were all nerve and no muscle.

“Yes, ” she would say, looking in the glass, “I'm getting old and ugly. John doesn't find me interesting any longer, so he leaves his faded wife and goes to see his pretty neighbor, who has no incumbrances. Well, the babies love me, they don't care if I am thin and pale and haven't time to crimp my hair, they are my comfort, and some day John will see what I've gladly sacrificed for them, won't he, my precious? ”

To which pathetic appeal Daisy would answer with a coo, or Demi with a crow, and Meg would put by her lamentations for a maternal revel,which soothed her solitude for the time being. But the pain increased as politics absorbed John, who was always running over to discuss interesting points with Scott, quite unconscious that Meg missed him. Not a word did she say, however, till her mother found her in tears one day, and insisted on knowing what the matter was, for Meg's drooping spirits had not escaped her observation.

“I wouldn't tell anyone except you, Mother, but I really do need advice, for if John goes on much longer I might as well be widowed, ”replied Mrs. Brooke, drying her tears on Daisy's bib with an injured air.

“Goes on how, my dear? ” asked her mother anxiously.

“He's away all day, and at night when I want to see him, he is continually going over to the Scotts'. It isn't fair that I should have the hardest work, and never any amusement. Men are very selfish, even the best of them.”

“So are women. Don't blame John till you see where you are wrong yourself.”

“But it can't be right for him to neglect me.”

“Don't you neglect him? ”

“Why, Mother, I thought you'd take my part! ”

“So I do, as far as sympathizing goes, but I think the fault is yours, Meg.”

“I don't see how.”

“Let me show you. Did John ever neglect you, as you call it, while you made it a point to give him your society of an evening, his only leisure time? ”

“No, but I can't do it now, with two babies to tend.”

“I think you could, dear, and I think you ought. May I speak quite freely, and will you remember that it's Mother who blames as well as Mother who sympathizes? ”

“Indeed I will! Speak to me as if I were little Meg again. I often feel as if I needed teaching more than ever since these babies look to me for everything.”

Meg drew her low chair beside her mother's, and with a little interruption in either lap, the two women rocked and talked lovingly together, feeling that the tie of motherhood made them more one than ever.

“You have only made the mistake that most young wives make—forgotten your duty to your husband in your love for your children. A very natural and forgivable mistake, Meg, but one that had better be remedied before you take to different ways, for children should draw you nearer than ever, not separate you, as if they were all yours, and John had nothing to do but support them. I've seen it for some weeks, but have not spoken, feeling sure it would come right in time.”

“I'm afraid it won't. If I ask him to stay, he'll think I'm jealous, and I wouldn't insult him by such an idea. He doesn't see that I want him, and I don't know how to tell him without words.”

“Make it so pleasant he won't want to go away. My dear, he's longing for his little home, but it isn't home without you, and you are always in the nursery.”

“Oughtn't I to be there? ”

“Not all the time, too much confinement makes you nervous, and then you are unfitted for everything. Besides, you owe something to John as well as to the babies. Don't neglect husband for children, don't shut him out of the nursery, but teach him how to help in it. His place is there as well as yours, and the children need him. Let him feel that he has a part to do, and he will do it gladly and faithfully, and it will be better for you all.”

“You really think so, Mother? ”

“I know it, Meg, for I've tried it, and I seldom give advice unless I've proved its practicability. When you and Jo were little, I went on just as you are, feeling as if I didn't do my duty unless I devoted myself wholly to you. Poor Father took to his books, after I had refused all offers of help, and left me to try my experiment alone. I struggled along as well as I could, but Jo was too much for me. I nearly spoiled her by indulgence. You were poorly, and I worried about you till I fell sick myself. Then Father came to the rescue, quietly managed everything, and made himself so helpful that I saw my mistake, and never have been able to get on without him since. That is the secret of our home happiness: he does not let business wean him from the little cares and duties that affect us all, and I try not to let domestic worries destroy my interest in his pursuits. Each do our part alone in many things, but at home we work together, always.”

“It is so, Mother, and my great wish is to be to my husband and children what you have been to yours. Show me how, I'll do anything you say.”

“You always were my docile daughter. Well, dear, if I were you, I'd let John have more to do with the management of Demi, for the boy needs training, and it's none too soon to begin. Then I'd do what I have often proposed, let Hannah come and help you. She is a capital nurse, and you may trust the precious babies to her while you do more housework. You need the exercise, Hannah would enjoy the rest, and John would find his wife again. Go out more, keep cheerful as well as busy, for you are the sunshine-maker of the family, and if you get dismal there is no fair weather. Then I'd try to take an interest in whatever John likes—talk with him, let him read to you, exchange ideas, and help each other in that way. Don't shut yourself up in a bandbox because you are a woman, but understand what is going on, and educate yourself to take your part in the world's work, for it all affects you and yours.”

“John is so sensible, I'm afraid he will think I'm stupid if I ask questions about politics and things.”

“I don't believe he would. Love covers a multitude of sins, and of whom could you ask more freely than of him? Try it, and see if he doesn't find your society far more agreeable than Mrs. Scott's suppers.”

“I will.Poor John!I'm afraid I have neglected him sadly,but I thought I was right, and he never said anything.”

“He tried not to be selfish, but he has felt rather forlorn, I fancy. This is just the time, Meg, when young married people are apt to grow apart, and the very time when they ought to be most together; for the first tenderness soon wears off, unless care is taken to preserve it; and no time is so beautiful and precious to parents as the first years of the little lives given to them to train. Don't let John be a stranger to the babies, for they will do more to keep him safe and happy in this world of trial and temptation than anything else, and through them you will learn to know and love one another as you should. Now, dear, good-by. Think over Mother's preachment, act upon it if it seems good, and God bless you all.”

Meg did think it over, found it good, and acted upon it, though the first attempt was not made exactly as she planned to have it. Of course the children tyrannized over her, and ruled the house as soon as they found out that kicking and squalling brought them whatever they wanted. Mamma was an abject slave to their caprices, but Papa was not so easily subjugated, and occasionally afflicted his tender spouse by an attempt at paternal discipline with his obstreperous son. For Demi inherited a trifle of his sire's firmness of character—we won't call it obstinacy—and when he made up his little mind to have or to do anything, all the king's horses and all the king's men could not change that pertinacious little mind. Mamma thought the dear too young to be taught to conquer his prejudices, but Papa believed that it never was too soon to learn obedience. So Master Demi early discovered that when he undertook to “wrastle” with “parpar”, he always got the worst of it, yet like the Englishman, baby respected the man who conquered him, and loved the father whose grave “No, no, ” was more impressive than all Mamma's love pats.

A few days after the talk with her mother, Meg resolved to try a social evening with John, so she ordered a nice supper, set the parlor in order, dressed herself prettily, and put the children to bed early, that nothing should interfere with her experiment. But unfortunately Demi's most unconquerable prejudice was against going to bed, and that night he decided to go on a rampage. So poor Meg sang and rocked, told stories and tried every sleep-prevoking wile she could devise, but all in vain, the big eyes wouldn't shut, and long after Daisy had gone to byelow, like the chubby little bunch of good nature she was, naughty Demi lay staring at the light, with the most discouragingly wide-awake expression of countenance.

“Will Demi lie still like a good boy, while Mamma runs down and gives poor Papa his tea? ” asked Meg, as the hall door softly closed, and the well-known step went tip-toeing into the dining room.

“Me has tea! ” said Demi, preparing to join in the revel.

“No, but I'll save you some little cakies for breakfast, if you'll go bye-bye like Daisy. Will you, lovey? ”

“Iss! ” and Demi shut his eyes tight, as if to catch sleep and hurry the desired day.

Taking advantage of the propitious moment, Meg slipped away and ran down to greet her husband with a smiling face and the little blue bow in her hair which was his especial admiration. He saw it at once and said with pleased surprise, “Why, little mother, how gay we are tonight. Do you expect company? ”

“Only you, dear.”

“Is it a birthday, anniversary, or anything? ”

“No, I'm tired of being dowdy, so I dressed up as a change. You always make yourself nice for table, no matter how tired you are, so why shouldn't I when I have the time? ”

“I do it out of respect for you, my dear, ” said old-fashioned John.

“Ditto, ditto, Mr. Brooke, ” laughed Meg, looking young and pretty again, as she nodded to him over the teapot.

“Well, it's altogether delightful, and like old times. This tastes right. I drink your health, dear.” And John sipped his tea with an air of reposeful rapture, which was of very short duration however, for as he put down his cup, the door handle rattled mysteriously, and a little voice was heard, saying impatiently—

“Opy doy; me's tummin! ”

“It's that naughty boy. I told him to go to sleep alone, and here he is, downstairs, getting his death a-cold pattering over that canvas, ” said Meg, answering the call.

“Mornin' now, ” announced Demi in joyful tone as he entered, with his long nightgown gracefully festooned over his arm and every curl bobbing gayly as he pranced about the table, eyeing the “cakies” with loving glances.

“No, it isn't morning yet. You must go to bed, and not trouble poor Mamma. Then you can have the little cake with sugar on it.”

“Me loves Parpar, ” said the artful one, preparing to climb the paternal knee and revel in forbidden joys. But John shook his head, and said to Meg—

“If you told him to stay up there, and go to sleep alone, make him do it, or he will never learn to mind you.”

“Yes, of course. Come, Demi, ” and Meg led her son away, feeling a strong desire to spank the little marplot who hopped beside her, laboring under the delusion that the bribe was to be administered as soon as they reached the nursery.

Nor was he disappointed, for that shortsighted woman actually gave him a lump of sugar, tucked him into his bed, and forbade any more promenades till morning.

“Iss! ” said Demi the perjured, blissfully sucking his sugar, and regarding his first attempt as eminently successful.

Meg returned to her place, and supper was progressing pleasantly, when the little ghost walked again, and exposed the maternal delinquencies by boldly demanding, “More sudar, Marmar.”

“Now this won't do, ” said John, hardening his heart against the engaging little sinner. “We shall never know any peace till that child learns to go to bed properly. You have made a slave of yourself long enough. Give him one lesson, and then there will be an end of it. Put him in his bed and leave him, Meg.”

“He won't stay there, he never does unless I sit by him.”

“I'll manage him. Demi, go upstairs, and get into your bed, as Mamma bids you.”

“S'ant! ” replied the young rebel, helping himself to the coveted“cakie”, and beginning to eat the same with calm audacity.

“You must never say that to Papa. I shall carry you if you don't go yourself.”

“Go 'way, me don't love Parpar.” And Demi retired to his mother's skirts for protection.

But even that refuge proved unavailing, for he was delivered over to the enemy, with a “Be gentle with him, John, ” which struck the culprit with dismay, for when Mamma deserted him, then the judgment day was at hand. Bereft of his cake, defrauded of his frolic, and borne away by a strong hand to that detested bed, poor Demi could not restrain his wrath, but openly defied Papa, and kicked and screamed lustily all the way upstairs. The minute he was put into bed on one side, he rolled out on the other, and made for the door, only to be ignominiously caught up by the tail of his little toga and put back again, which lively performance was kept up till the young man's strength gave out, when he devoted himself to roaring at the top of his voice. This vocal exercise usually conquered Meg, but John sat as unmoved as the post which is popularly believed to be deaf. No coaxing, no sugar, no lullaby, no story, even the light was put out and only the red glow of the fire enlivened the “big dark” which Demi regarded with curiosity rather than fear. This new order of things disgusted him, and he howled dismally for “Marmar”, as his angry passions subsided, and recollections of his tender bondwoman returned to the captive autocrat. The plaintive wail which succeeded the passionate roar went to Meg's heart, and she ran up to say beseechingly—“Let me stay with him, he'll be good now, John.”

“No, my dear. I've told him he must go to sleep, as you bid him, and he must, if I stay here all night.”

“But he'll cry himself sick, ” pleaded Meg, reproaching herself for deserting her boy.

“No, he won't, he's so tired he will soon drop off and then the matter is settled, for he will understand that he has got to mind. Don't interfere, I'll manage him.”

“He's my child, and I can't have his spirit broken by harshness.”

“He's my child, and I won't have his temper spoiled by indulgence.Go down, my dear, and leave the boy to me.”

When John spoke in that masterful tone, Meg always obeyed, and never regretted her docility.

“Please let me kiss him once, John? ”

“Certainly. Demi, say good night to Mamma, and let her go and rest, for she is very tired with taking care of you all day.”

Meg always insisted upon it that the kiss won the victory, for after it was given, Demi sobbed more quietly, and lay quite still at the bottom of the bed, whither he had wriggled in his anguish of mind.

“Poor little man, he's worn out with sleep and crying. I'll cover him up, and then go and set Meg's heart at rest, ” thought John, creeping to the bedside, hoping to find his rebellious heir asleep.

But he wasn't, for the moment his father peeped at him, Demi's eyes opened, his little chin began to quiver, and he put up his arms, saying with a penitent hiccough, “Me's dood, now.”

Sitting on the stairs outside Meg wondered at the long silence which followed the uproar, and after imagining all sorts of impossible accidents, she slipped into the room to set her fears at rest. Demi lay fast asleep, not in his usual spreadeagle attitude, but in a subdued bunch, cuddled close in the circle of his father's arm and holding his father's finger, as if he felt that justice was tempered with mercy, and had gone to sleep a sadder and wiser baby. So held, John had waited with a womanly patience till the little hand relaxed its hold, and while waiting had fallen asleep, more tired by that tussle with his son than with his whole day's work.

As Meg stood watching the two faces on the pillow, she smiled to herself, and then slipped away again, saying in a satisfied tone, “I never need fear that John will be too harsh with my babies;he does know how to manage them,and will be a great help,for Demi is getting too much for me.”

When John came down at last, expecting to find a pensive or reproachful wife, he was agreeably surprised to find Meg placidly trimming a bonnet, and to be greeted with the request to read something about the election, if he was not too tired. John saw in a minute that a revolution of some kind was going on, but wisely asked no questions, knowing that Meg was such a transparent little person, she couldn't keep a secret to save her life, and therefore the clue would soon appear. He read a long debate with the most amiable readiness and then explained it in his most lucid manner, while Meg tried to look deeply interested, to ask intelligent questions, and keep her thoughts from wandering from the state of the nation to the state of her bonnet. In her secret soul, however, she decided that politics were as bad as mathematics, and that the mission of politicians seemed to be calling each other names; but she kept these feminine ideas to herself, and when John paused, shook her head and said with what she thought diplomatic ambiguity, “Well, I really don't see what we are coming to.”

John laughed, and watched her for a minute, as she poised a pretty little preparation of lace and flowers on her hand, and regarded it with the genuine interest which his harangue had failed to waken.

“She is trying to like politics for my sake, so I'll try and like millinery for hers, that's only fair, ” thought John the Just, adding aloud, “That's very pretty. Is it what you call a breakfast cap? ”

“My dear man, it's a bonnet! My very best go-to-concert-and-theater bonnet.”

“I beg your pardon, it was so small, I naturally mistook it for one of the flyaway things you sometimes wear. How do you keep it on? ”

“These

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